


So it Goes

by SilverDragon00



Series: Hold On, Pain Ends [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Molestation, Physical Therapy, Punk, Self-Hatred, allusions to self-harm, dark topics, prosthetic au, prosthetic leg, prothesis, the rape warning is for non-con, this is not for the light of heart okay, trigger warning, tw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-20
Updated: 2016-05-18
Packaged: 2018-06-03 11:03:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 35,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6608260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverDragon00/pseuds/SilverDragon00
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>((MUST READ THE FIRST TWO WORKS IN THIS SERIES OR THIS WON'T MAKE SENSE))</p><p>Hinata's perspective during his six months in America and returning home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please please please read the first two works in this series or none of this will make sense. If you have read the original work, you'll know why this is rated mature.
> 
> So not much _really_ happens in this chapter, but it's important nonetheless. And long. Whoops.
> 
> Next chapter should be out in three or four days.

Shouyou doesn’t actually remember the accident. He remembers the sounds... and the pain - so much _pain_.

It was nice day, he remembered that, and he had been on his way home from school with Kageyama. They were messing around and talking about volleyball and school. He doesn’t remember what happened, exactly - how he ended up in the street. Later, someone would tell him he miss-stepped off the sidewalk just as a car was coming.

The only other things he remembered were the sounds. The screeching of car tires, people moving around on the opposite side of the road. Kageyama screaming his name. Sirens. Talking. Beeping noises. It was mostly a blur as he faded in and out of consciousness.

He could only feel pain. His head was throbbing, his torso felt stiff and bruised, he couldn’t feel his leg, but was aware of the searing pain in his hip and thigh. It was hard to breathe.

When he finally woke up, he recognized that he was in a hospital room, staring up at the stark white ceiling. Monitors were beeping around him and he was extremely uncomfortable, but wasn’t sure why. He turned his head to the right and groaned, feeling a huge headache building.

“Shouyou! Oh thank God, you’re awake.” His mom’s face appeared in front of him, teary-eyed and smiling.

He winced as he tried to move his arm, feeling a jolt go up his side. “What happened?” His voice was hoarse.

“You were in an accident…” She said gently. “Do you remember?”

It took him a few minutes to recall all sounds and pain, but when he did he was suddenly aware of every bruise and stiff joint in his body. “Car…” He said, remembering the screeching of tires. Carefully, he raised a hand to his forehead, hoping his cool palm would sooth his headache. “How… long have I been asleep?” It hurt his throat to speak and the room was wobbling.

“Two days,” She said softly, reaching out and stroking his hair. “You have a concussion, is your head hurting?”

He tried to nod but it hurt too much, so he croaked out a “yes.”

“I’ll get your doctor. He needs to know you’re awake anyways. And I’ll call your father.”

The rest of the day was constant doctors and nurses shuffling in and out of his room as he fought off sleep. He was tested over and over, asked a bunch of questions about what he could remember and how he felt.

He asked why it felt weird to breathe and why his chest felt strange and was informed that there was now a bar in his chest to keep his ribcage from collapsing. He stared wide-eyed at the doctor for a while, and reached his arm to his chest, feeling around until he felt gauze wrapped around a slightly raised bump - the metal.

When his father showed up the man looked like he hadn’t slept in a few days, and worry lines were all over his face. Shouyou felt bad for being the cause.

It wasn’t until the next day that he found out about his other injury.

His head was feeling a little better, so his nurse raised up the head off his bed so he could look around. She had him testing out his motor skills, like tapping his fingers together or blinking in a certain pattern.

All his joints were still stiff, so when the nurse left to go find his mom he took a few seconds to rotate his neck, bend his elbows a few times and flex his fingers. When he went to curl his toes and odd sensation rippled through his right thigh that he didn’t recognize.

In his confusion, a panic start to blossom and he ripped off the blankets from his lap and stared down in shock at his legs. Leg.

His right leg stopped just above the knee, wrapped in a bandage.

The horror set in and he reached out and grasped his thigh. Pain shot up his side and into his lung from bending over, but he couldn’t believe was he was seeing. His leg, it was just… gone. The monitor behind him started rapidly beating, but he could barely hear it. It hurt to breath. Everything hurt.

Suddenly his breath hitched and he felt like everything was going in slow motion when nurses rushed in, laying him back and pressing a mask to his face. Tears were falling from his cheeks and his chest - no, his _heart_ \- hurt so much. He didn’t want to believe it, it couldn’t be real.

After being sedated to calm himself down, he woke up the next day feeling empty. His mom was next to him, sitting in a cushioned chair and holding his hand. When he opened his eyes, she looked ready to cry.

“Honey, I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry. They couldn’t save your leg, it took the brute of the crash and-” She bit her lip, looking down. “You’ll be okay,” She said quietly.

Shouyou didn’t respond. He didn’t feel like he was going to be okay. He felt horrible, grounded and uselessly pathetic. His thoughts led him to Kageyama, somehow. His mom had told him the that Kageyama was there during the accident and Shouyou can remember the sound of his voice calling out.

Now they wouldn’t be able to play volleyball together, and it was Shouyou’s fault. If only he had been more careful, or paid attention. Tears leaked out of the corners of his eyes and he was pulled into his mother’s arms. She stroked his hair and spoke soothingly, but it didn’t help.

When he was cried out, he laid back in his bed again and stared up at the ceiling.

His mom tried to talk to him, but he just wanted to be left alone.

Eventually his father came in, having finished work and brought an excited Natsu with him. She had been worried about her big brother but was too young to really understand what happened. She wanted to play a game with him, but his heart wasn’t in it and he felt detached, knowing his life was going to be very different from then on.

 

X x X x X

 

On day five in the hospital, his mother brought him a book to pass the time with. He was restless always laying in bed, but he also didn’t want to get up and face the fact that he couldn’t walk alone anymore.

Nurses kept shuffling in and out of his room, checking his vitals and head, and stitches. Shouyou hated when they changed the gauze on his leg. It felt weird, and he didn’t like looking at it.

It wasn’t until day six when he asked his mom if his friends could come visit. He missed them a lot (especially Kageyama) and wanted to know if they were all okay.  His mom told him that they didn’t know how bad the accident was, so it was up to him if he wanted to tell them.

He didn’t want them to know. Not yet at least. His mother respected that, and she told him she would see about getting a few of them to visit the next day.  Shouyou was nervous about seeing them, but also felt a wave of calm wash over him.

The next day, he was sitting up in bed reading when there was a knock at the door just before it opened. He felt like crying when he looked up and saw Kageyama walk in, followed by Sugawara, Daichi and Tanaka.

Instead, he smiled and closed the book, “Hey guys!”

Tanaka rushed over to him, shouting, “Hinata!” And hugged him tightly. It hurt his ribs, but for the few seconds Tanaka was there, he was grateful and clung to his shirt before laughing and pushing him away. “You’re okay!” Tanaka said gleefully.

“Of course I’m okay!” He lied. He was far from okay. His chest tightened when he glanced to the left and saw Kageyama standing there, looking lost.

Sugawara walked over to the side of the bed with Daichi, who ruffled Shouyou’s hair playfully. “I’m glad to see you awake and happy,” Suga said with a smile.

Shouyou was about to respond when Kageyama finally spoke up, saying, “What happened?”

What happened? Hadn’t Kageyama been there? Shouyou raised an eyebrow and Kageyama sighed, “What are your injuries?”

Shouyou felt his stomach twist and he mouth went dry. He didn’t want them to know, but now Tanaka, Suga and Daichi were all looking at him, waiting for an answer. He looked down at his lap to avoid their eyes, so they wouldn’t see the smile that had fallen from his face. He didn’t want them to worry.

“I got a bad concussion, and one of my ribs ripped through my skin after breaking,” He said. That’s what the doctor had told him a few days ago. There was a quick intake of breath, probably Suga, and he looked up again. “But it wasn’t too bad,” he assured them. “They replaced a chunk of my rib with a metal bar and the concussion should be gone in a few days.”

Tanaka was in front of him again suddenly, poking at his chest, “Whoa, you have a piece of metal in your chest, that’s so cool!”

Shouyou laughed, but his heart wasn’t in it. “I guess.”

“What else?” Daichi spoke up and Shouyou looked up at him. “You’re not telling us something.”

Of course someone noticed. There really was no avoiding it, when he showed up at school eventually, missing a leg someone was bound to notice. Shouyou sighed, kind of glad it was only a few people here with him. He reached and grabbed the edge of the blanket and tugged it off his legs - leg - to show them.

“Oh Hinata,” Suga said, stepping forward and putting a comforting hand on his shoulder.

Shouyou wanted to shrug it off, not wanting pity, but it was also calming. He stared at the spot where his leg should be, trying to imagine if it was still there, they feeling of wiggling his toes or bending his knee.

He mumbled an explanation halfheartedly, “My leg was mangled beyond repair. They had to amputate it.” He couldn’t stand looking at the empty spot anymore and he quickly pulled the blanket back across his lap and cover his face with his hands, pleading with himself not to cry. A sigh shuddered through his body, and the hand on his shoulder disappeared, replaced with one on his head.

He sniffed and looked up, seeing Kageyama standing above him, tightlipped and passive faced. It was odd seeing Kageyama like that, he always looked so determined. Knowing that _he_ was the cause of such a face made his heart tug.

The door opened and the nurse came in, saying that they had to leave. Everyone said goodbye, and when Kageyama’s hand pulled away from his head, he found himself missing the warmth.

Once everyone was gone, the day blurred by, full of medications and questions and himself fading in and out of sleep.

A few days later, his father walked into the room pushing a wheelchair in front of himself, with a doctor following close behind. Dread settled into Shouyou’s stomach and he turned away to look out the window as his doctor started to disconnect all the IV drips and monitors hooked up to him.

“All right Shouyou, your doctor said it’s okay to take you outside if you want,” His dad said. Shouyou shook his head. “I know it’s hard to accept that you can’t walk on your own, but it’s good for you to get out.”

His dad walked over to the bed and pulled the blankets off Shouyou’s his lap, then held out his hands. Shouyou sighed, then reached out to take his dad’s arms, while the doctor stood close by. He twisted and his leg slid off the bed, dangling towards the floor and his dad gently lifted him up so his bare foot rested on the cold floor.

Pain shot through his rib and he yelped.

“Sorry! I’m sorry,” His dad said frantically, lowering him into the chair.

“It’s okay,” Shouyou grit out, settling back in the chair. The leather was cold on his back through the thin hospital gown and his leg was chilly without the blanket over it. The doctor seemed to notice and picked up his blanket, folded it, and draped it over his lap.

His father crouched in front of him, taking his hand. “Are you okay?”

Swallowing hard, he nodded and said, “Yeah. Just sore.”

“Okay. Tell me if the pain is too much,” His father said, then walked around his wheelchair. He pushed him out the door and through the maze of white hallways, down two floors in an elevator and outside to a secluded, fenced-in garden.

Fresh air felt nice in his lungs, instead of the constant smell of sterilization and chemical compounds that always filled his nose. It was a little cold outside, but the sun was out and a few other people strolled around the garden together. Most of the people looked like patents and Shouyou’s heart clenched when he saw two boys his age running around together.

Would he ever be able to do that again?

“Dad?”

“Yes, Shouyou?”

“I want to go back inside.”

His father put a gentle hand on his shoulder and squeezed reassuringly, then turned the wheelchair around, heading back towards the building.

“It’s okay to be upset, Shouyou,” His dad said. “I know it’s hard.”

“I don’t want to think about it. Please, I’m just tired.”

His father didn’t say anything after that, and just took him back up to his room and helped him into his bed. The doctor hooked him back up to the heart rate monitor and everything else then asked him about his pain level, which wasn’t too bad other than a developing headache. He was hooked up to the morphine again regardless, and his bandages were checked and replaced.

Once the doctor and his dad left he fell into a fitful sleep, full of nightmares of sinking ships and broken wings.

He woke up to his mom lightly shaking him awake with a huge smile on her face. He blearily looked around, seeing his father and Natsu standing nearby and his doctor checking the machines he was hooked up to.

“What’s going on?” He asked, adjusting himself so he was sitting up a bit more. He had a headache again and his ribs felt stiff.

“I have some great news!” His mom said, barely holding in the huge grin on her face. Shouyou glanced over to his father and saw a similar smile. “You’re going to walk again!”

Shouyou felt his blood run cold and he froze, locking eyes with his mother. There was no way he could walk again, part of his leg was _gone_. “W-what? How? I can’t-”

“We are going to fit you with a prosthetic leg!” She exclaimed.

Shouyou stared at her in disbelief, his mouth hanging open. A prosthetic? How had he not consider that before? A new leg! He’d walk and run and jump and - “Will I be able to play volleyball again?”

She looked over at his doctor, who nodded with a small shrug. “If you are determined enough and make it through all the physical therapy, then yes. You’ll be fit with an athletic prosthetic and you may be able to play again. It will be a long process though, you’ll have to learn to walk again.”

Excitement blossomed in his chest, replacing the horrible feeling of uselessness that had been there the past week, and he grinned. “Then I’ll work really hard! As long as I can stand on the court again!”

His family smiled at him and his dad stepped forward. “There is one catch though.”

“What is it?”

“The therapy center you’ll be attending… it’s in America.”

“A-America?” He blinked.

“Yes, there’s multiple reasons for why, but one of the biggest is because of a physical trainer there that has worked with the type of prosthetic we are fitting you with, named Bailey Thompson. We’ve talked it over and we think it’s the best choice. So what do you say, Shouyou?” His dad asked.

“How long would we be there for?”

“We’re thinking six to seven months, depending on how well you progress.”

Six to seven months! He’d be away for that long? He’d miss the rest of first term and some of summer, all the time he would use to train with his team… but… he couldn’t train anyways without a leg. If it depended on how long it took him to progress, then he would do everything he could to come back as soon as possible.  
He looked up at his mom, waiting with an excited smile and his dad watching him with a calculated look.

“Okay, when do we leave?”

His parents grinned at him, and his doctor launched into the specifics, while Natsu bounced around excitedly. He tried to pay attention to what they were saying, but it was hard with his own excitement boiling in his stomach. His toes twitched and his hand tingled with anticipation, he couldn’t wait.

Plans were explained through the next few days, the plane ride and the therapy center and how his medical equipment would be transported. His doctor said the therapy wouldn’t start immediately when he got there, because he still had to heal, but they wanted to get him into the environment as soon as possible so he could be comfortable. He was told they were leaving at the end of the week.

It was obvious that his parents were trying not to talk about expenses around him, and he felt bad because he knew it must be expensive, but his anticipation pressed the guilt down.

Natsu would be tutored for the months in America, and his parents would be staying in a nearby apartment. They already talked to a women who would be there with them as a translator, she would be staying at the therapy center with Shouyou.

At the end of the week, on a day that he was feeling pretty good, they put him in a wheelchair and brought him out to the car. There was a bit of medical equipment he had to bring for the plane ride, but it wasn’t too much of a hassle and his mom had packed clothing for him.

Once his family was in the car, his mom turned around in the passenger seat to face him and asked, “Do you want to stop by the school to say goodbye to your friends? They should be at volleyball practice right now. I’ve already called your club advisor and he said it would be okay.”

Shouyou had actually forgotten that he wouldn’t be seeing any of them for six months or more. He already planned on writing to them, but his heart clenched at the thought of not seeing them for so long. “Yes, please,” He responded.

Nervousness filled his system, trying to figure out how he was going to face the others in the team, and how they would react. Would anyone be mad? Would they forget about him while he was gone? He didn’t have much time to dwell ones these thoughts, as his dad pulled into the parking lot of his school.

“Do you want both of us to come with you?” He asked.

“Just mom,” Shouyou said, unbuckling his seatbelt. His dad nodded, and his mom got out of the car and grabbed his wheelchair from the trunk. She opened his door and helped him sit down, then tucked the blanket over his lap.

She crouched down in front of him, taking his cold hands in hers. “If you feel uncomfortable we can leave, okay?”

He nodded.

She wheeled the chair towards the back of the school, the little bumps in the dirt making his ribs hurt a bit, but he didn’t complain - he was too nervous. He heard the slams of volleyballs and squeak of sneakers before he could see inside, and the sounds just make him crave the freedom of being able to walk even more.

They stopped just outside the door, looking inside, and Shouyou felt the familiar pull in his chest, seeing the ball flying through the air and being slammed down onto the wooden floors. Takeda-sensei was waiting at the door for them, and he smiled when he saw Shouyou, but didn’t say anything as he helped his mother get the wheelchair up the cement step and into the gym. It was embarrassing for Shouyou, but he was too distracted by the familiar smell and sounds.

Nishinoya was the first to actually realize he was there, and shouted, “Hinata!” While running over to them. The rest of the team looked over to them, and his mom shuffled away to talk with coach Ukai and Takeda-sensei.

Everyone else rushed over to him and he didn’t miss Kageyama pushing ahead to stand by his side.

“It’s great to see you guys!” Shouyou said with a smile, and it really was. He hadn’t been able to see most of them in the hospital, so he was glad he could see them before he left. Yamaguchi was holding a volleyball under his arm, and he purposely looked away from it - it was too tempting, and he didn’t want to face the disappointment.

“Why are you in a wheelchair?” Noya asked. Daichi, Sugawara and Tanaka made a point to stay quiet, and all looked in different directions. Shouyou was glad they hadn’t told anyone on the team without his permission. He was still a bit scared to tell them, and turned his head away, looking down at the floor.

Kageyama, who was still next to him, spoke up, “It’s none of your business, Nishinoya.”

“No - Kageyama, its… its fine,” Shouyou said, still looking down. He could feel the confusion and anticipation on everyone around him, and he played with the hem of the blanket on his lap to avoid the stares.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, it’s okay,” Shouyou said. It was unlike Kageyama to be protective like this, but Shouyou found himself sort of liking it. Though he would never tell Kageyama that. “That’s why I’m here anyways.”

He knew everyone was waiting patiently for an explanation, so he took a breath and mentally prepared himself, then looked around at his teammates, “So you all know I was in a car accident?”

A few people nodded.

“Well… um,” He took another breath. “My leg was mangled in the collision, and… they had to amputate it.” He pulled the blanket back off his lap to show where his right leg stopped, the jeans he was wearing tucked back just above where his knee would have been.

Someone gasped and there were a few curses. Then there were murmurs. Panic gripped at his chest, they were going to hate him, kick him off the team, turn away from him. If whispers were happened when he told them about his leg, then what about when they told him about America? He reached out, searching for something to ground him, and found Kageyama’s wrist, which he pulled gently.

Kageyama looked down at him, his eyes full of worry. “What’s wrong?”

Now or never, he had to tell them. “The other reason I came here was to say goodbye.”

Raw panic filled Kageyama’s eyes, and he looked like he was about to say something but Sugawara spoke up first, “Goodbye? What do you mean?” He sounded worried.

His heart was beating fast, and he didn’t really know why. Everyone was standing around him, even taller than before now that he was stuck to his stupid chair. His mom said he could leave if he needed to… he glanced over to her, she was still talking with Ukai and Takeda.

He chewed on his lower lip then sighed. “I’m getting a prosthetic leg, so I’ll be able to walk again and maybe eventually play volleyball again.”  
“That’s great, Hinata!” Tanaka grinned at him.

Before anyone else could get too excited, he quickley continued, “But I have to go to America to attend physical therapy and learn to walk again. I don’t know how long it will take, really, but around six months is what we are expecting.”

Nobody spoke, everyone staring at him in varying levels of disbelief. Embarrassment made him look down at his lap again.

“Six months?” Kageyama whispered next to him.

Shouyou nodded.

“When are you leaving?”

This was the next hardest part. Telling them he was leaving _today_. What if they were mad that he waited to tell him? He continued quietly, “My plane leaves in less than two hours. That’s why I came here now. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have a chance to say goodbye. I’m sorry. I feel bad for leaving you all.”

He waited for their reaction, but most of them just smiled softly at him. Sugawara stepped forward and bent down to give him a hug. “Don’t apologize, Hinata. We all just want you to get better.”

Suga stepped away and Shouyou saw Noya grinning, “Yeah, and when you come back you’ll have a cool robot leg!”

That pulled a laugh from Shouyou. They weren’t upset, and if they were, they hid it well. Shouyou was glad for that. It helped.

“Will you write to us?” Asahi asked, standing next to Suga.

“Of course!” Shouyou nodded. He could send letters to Ukai’s store for the team, since his mom said his phone wouldn’t work in America. “I’ll send you all letters every chance that I get!”

“Get better fast,” Daichi said wide a broad smile. “When you come back, we’ll all play volleyball together, yeah?”

“Yes!” Shouyou said enthusiastically. _Volleyball_. That was his goal - to play volleyball again. “I’ll try my hardest so I can come back as soon as possible!”

Looking around at the smiling faces of his friends, even Kageyama who probably didn’t realize his lips were quirked up slightly, just determined him even more to learn to walk. He flexed his fingers in his lap, craving the feeling of a volleyball slamming against his hand. His excitement was hard to contain.

“Shouyou, it’s time to go, honey,” His mother said, walking away from the coach and Takeda.

Shouyou bit his lip and looked around at all his friends once more, taking in each of their faces, memorizing every detail until his eye rested on Kageyama. Shouyou would miss him the most. “I’m really gonna miss you guys.”

Everyone chimed in, “We’ll miss you too.”

“Don’t worry, the time will go by fast!”

“We’ll write letters and Skype all the time!”

“It will be okay, Hinata.”

“It’s not too long!”

Their enthusiasm only made it that much harder to go, but made the pain that much easier to bear. “I’ll see you all later.”

A few of them gave him a hug, waving and heading back onto the court. Asahi ruffled Shouyou’s hair and Tanaka gave him a double high five. Suga looked a little misted eyed, but laughed it off. Tsukishima even said to have a safe flight. Then it was just Kageyama left, standing in front of Shouyou.

Six months until they’ll see each other in person again. It would be a long, hard, painful six months, and it was now or never if he wanted to say anything.

“You know,” He started, quietly, with a small smile. “I’ll write to you the most. But don’t tell anyone else.”

He suppressed a laugh at the way Kageyama suddenly looked flustered and a bit sad, but stilled in shock when the setter bent down and hugged him tightly. It was odd, Kageyama had never hugged him before… but it was nice. Shouyou raised his arms and hugged back. He savored the warmth for a few more seconds, then said, “I have to go.”

Kageyama nodded and let go. He helped Shouyou’s mother get the wheelchair out the door, and suddenly Shouyou was back to feeling embarrassed and helpless, though he knew neither of them minded.

“I’ll really miss you,” Kageyama said from behind him, just before his mom began pushing the chair away.

Shouyou felt his heart skip a beat in his chest, but he wasn’t sure why. He turned and grinned over his shoulder, waving, and said, “I’ll miss you too, Bakageyama!”

“Dumbass!”

Sticking his tongue out and laughing, he felt a warmth in his heart he hadn’t felt for two weeks. Six month was a long time, sure, but maybe having someone like Kageyama to come back to would make it all worth it.

 

X x X x X

 

The plane ride out was more complicated than it should have been. The whole ordeal had been embarrassing and emotionally exhausting for Shouyou and he was glad when it ended. People kept staring at him with pity, he was in pain the whole time, it was just something he wanted to forget.

When they landed he was dead tired, he hadn’t slept at all because of the pain, and was glad that they would be headed to his parents temporary apartment first thing. They met their guide at the airport who drove them past the therapy center, explaining that it wasn’t far from the apartments, but Shouyou wasn’t really paying attention. His mind was focused on pain, pain, _pain - and why are the steering wheels on the wrong side of the car?_

The apartment they were staying in was medium sized with only two bedrooms since Shouyou would be staying at the therapy center. It was set up differently than apartments in Japan and the beds were overly soft, but Shouyou didn’t care.

Natsu and him shared a bed that night because they were so big, and they all slept through almost the whole next day. This was the first night the nightmares started. Sounds of the crash playing over and over in his mind, images of other people being the ones injured.

When Shouyou finally woke up, he was sick to his stomach and disorientated. He couldn’t eat any solid or artificially flavored foods yet because of his medication and he was still healing, so after a really crappy afternoon lunch, their guide showed up to drive them over to the center to meet his new doctors.

The rest of the day was a blur to him. Shouyou really tried to pay attention, but everything was happening so quickly and it was so new and strange. His ribs hurt and the end of his right leg was numb and people were speaking English and it was just too much.

All he took from it was that he would have three doctors primarily - the mental health doctor and two physical therapy trainers, one of which was bilingual. There was also his translator, a nice woman named Anna who would accompany him around most of the day since the majority of people didn’t speak Japanese.

He would be sharing a room with someone he hadn’t met yet and would meet with a lot of other kids like him. It’d be another week before he could get fit with a prosthetic, which was irritating but in the long run wasn’t too bad. There was a bunch of paperwork he had to sit with his parents through, but when it finally ended he was exhausted.

“Should I show you to your room?” Anna, his translator, asked him and his parents.

His mother nodded with a smile and pushed Shouyou’s wheelchair in front of her as they followed Anna and Doctor Bailey Thompson - his primary physical therapist (who only spoke English) - down a long hallway. Thompson said something and opened the door to one of the room.

Anna translated, “Your roommate isn’t here right now, he’s at home for a few days but will be back soon.”

Shouyou nodded and was wheeled through the door. It was a small room with white walls and a wood floor. There was a bed on either side, but the right side was empty and the left side looked lived in with rumpled sheets, clothes strewn about and personal things lying around.

Thompson sighed and muttered something under his breath, picking up some of the clothes that had made it onto Shouyou’s side of the room. His mom and Thompson helped him out of the wheelchair and onto his bed, which was honestly a huge relief on his back and neck.

He sighed and leaned back into his pillows.

“Thompson’s asking if you’re in any pain right now?” Anna translated.

Shouyou nodded. “My chest.”

“Why didn’t you say something sooner?” His mom asked, frowning and brushing his hair back. He shrugged.

Thompson brought him pain medication, and his mom and dad unpacked his bags into the dresser next to his bed. After assuring everyone he wasn’t hungry, his mom and dad and Natsu hugged him and said goodbye and everyone finally left the room.

Shouyou heaved a sigh, and promptly fell asleep - once again, indulged in nightmares.

 

X x X x X

The following morning his mom showed up without his dad who had to meet with someone who would be tutoring Natsu. His mom asked how he slept, and he said it was the same as in the hospital expect quieter.

His ribs were still hurting and he had a huge headache so Thompson gave him more medication before Anna and his mom helped him get dressed (which was extremely embarrassing on it own). He was brought food that tasted like cardboard in a cup, then was helped into his wheelchair.

“Where are we going?” Shouyou asked his mom.

“To meet your other two doctors,” She said. “You mental therapist is a woman who takes care of most of the kid’s mental health but only speaks English.”

Shouyou put his elbow on the arm of his chair and leaned his cheek on his fist. “Why do I even need a mental therapist?”

Anna answered before his mom could, “Learning to use a prosthetic is a long difficult process, and sometimes it’s nice to have someone to talk to.”

His mom continued before he could argue, “We’ll also meet your other physical therapist, who is bilingual, luckily enough.”

Thompson turned to a large double door and pushed it open to show a huge room full of different types of equipment. There were a few other teens in there, working with adults. One girl had a prosthetic leg like his, but was proudly walking on a treadmill while one of the doctors smiled at her. A boy with a metal back brace was balancing on a bosu board looking like he was in pain. A little girl with a neck brace and cast on her upper arm was sitting with a woman, rolling a ball back and forth

Thompson spoke and Anna translated, “A lot of the physical training happens in here, but somethings you’ll have therapy sessions where you’ll work on stretching and motor skills privately. We also have a gym to play sports in and a field outside.”

Shouyou’s mom pushed him behind Thompson while the doctor looked for someone, finally coming to a stop near brown haired doctor helping a younger boy with a hip brace. Thompson spoke to the doctor, who then turned to Shouyou and his mom with a friendly smile.

“Hello, you must be Mrs Hinata, correct?” He said, reaching out to shake her hand. “I’m David Gatley, we’ve spoken on the phone?”

“Yes, it’s nice to finally put a face to the name.” She smiled back, and put a hand on Shouyou’s shoulder. “This my son Shouyou.”

“Nice to meet you Shouyou,” He said, offering his hand. “I’m doctor Gatley.”

Shouyou shook his hand half-heartedly and barely listened while Gatley spoke with his mom for a few minutes.

When they were done, they left the gym and found their way to a room that looked a lot like a lounge, where Shouyou met the mental therapist, Sasha. She was younger than he expected her to be and excruciatingly optimistic.

They spoke to each other through Anna for a few minutes.

“I’ve been told you play volleyball, is that right?” Sasha asked, and Shouyou nodded, feeling a tug of homesickness in his chest. “We don’t have a court here, but once you get moving on your new leg, we can probably dig up a few volleyballs and you can use them in the gym.”

Shouyou’s mood picked up at that and he nodded eagerly.

“There’s a smile!” Sasha grinned back at him.

A while later, Thompson explained that he would be fit with a temporary leg to learn on in about a week but until then he would focus on healing since he was still injured from the accident. The doctor also suggested that his mom cut her visits slowly to every other day then only twice a week, since it would be better for Shouyou to not cling to her.

The first day without his mom he actually felt better than we she was there. He wasn’t out of bed much that day, and mostly talked to Sasha and Anna, and read his book. It was boring and he just wanted to start walking again.

When he met his roommate for the first time, it was only in passing and he was left intrigued and wanting to talk to him more.

He had been left alone in the room, sitting on his bed reading when the door opened, and a boy his age stood in the doorway looking momentarily shocked at the sight of Shouyou. He had long brown hair that swept across his forehead, two lip piercing along with an eyebrow and nose one. He only had one arm - carrying a bag - the other stopped at the elbow, and had stitches on his cheekbone and his neck and had an uncomfortable looking back brace over his shirt that kept him from bending.

The boy walked into the room, threw his bag on the other bed and said something in English to Shouyou.

Shouyou tilted his head, “I don’t speak English. Just Japanese,” he said, in hopes that the guy would figure that out on his own.

“Oh, I speak Japanese too!” He said with a grin. “That’s probably why they put you in here with me. I also speak Italian, Spanish and Dutch. And bits and pieces of tons of other languages.”

“Why?” Seriously who needs to speak all those languages?

He shrugged and started pulling stuff out of his bag and throwing it in drawers. “I like language. It’s interesting,” He turned around and walked over to Shouyou, holding out his hand. “I’m James Wood.”

“Hin- Shouyou. Hinata.” It’s weird that Americans introduced themselves with their family names last.

“Well, Shouyou Hinata,” James said. “What are you in for?”

“Uh- I was hit by a car... and lost my leg. I’m going to learn to walk again.”

James raised his eyebrows, “You were hit by a car? That’s hardcore. I fell off a cliff and fucked up my back and lost my arm.”

“ _That’s_ hardcore,” Shouyou copied him. “How did you fall off a cliff?”

“I am stuck in a constant state of _fernweh_ , and seek out adventure wherever I go,” He declared, turning back to put the rest of his clothes away. “I was hiking and tripped.”

“Fernweh?” What word is that? Was he saying something in English?

James grinned at him. “It’s a German word. It doesn’t have a Japanese translation but it means ‘a constant longing for far off places’. Cool right?”

“I guess.”

James put his hand in a fist on his hip. “Welp, it’s nice talking to you, and I’m sure we’ll see quite a lot of each other, but right now I have a therapy session,” He fake-saluted Shouyou, then left the room.

He didn’t get the chance to talk to James again for a while. James was only in the room at night and in the morning, and Shouyou didn’t really leave the room at all yet.

When the day came that he finally got fit for a prosthetic, he was bouncing in his wheelchair with excitement. His mom and dad kept telling him to calm down, and his excitement was riling Natsu up. He didn’t care that his thigh felt like it was on fire and his head was pounding, all he could think about was that this was the first step.

They had taken his measurements a while ago, so now it was just a doctor tweaking it and explaining everything to him and his parents. When Thompson finally showed him how to strap it on, Shouyou’s other leg was bouncing up and down in excitement. It felt foreign and cold on his leg, but he didn’t care.

“Can I stand?” He asked and Anna translated.

“You might not be able to,” Thompson explained through Anna. “And it will hurt, but you can try if let me help.”

Shouyou nodded, eager regardless. Thompson bent down and held Shouyou under his arms, slowly raising him up. Shouyou kept his pressure on his own leg until he was upright, his head spinning and ribs straining. He tested gently applying pressure to the prosthetic but pain shot up through his hip and into his gut, causing him to cry out.

Thompson lowered him back into the chair, placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder and telling him it would get easier.

For a few days, he would practice putting on the prosthetic in the mornings and kept it on as long as he could to get used to the feeling. It was still a foreign feeling, but a bit like walking in new shoes, where he has to break it in.

At the end of his first week with the prosthetic, he wrote his first letter to the team back home. He kept the letter lighthearted, talking about how weird it was to be in another country, the food they were feeding him, being fit for his first prosthetic. He mentioned James, who he still hadn’t really talked to other than their first meeting ot the occasional good morning before James left. He even sent a picture of the new leg to them.

To keep his promise, he also wrote a separate letter to Kageyama. He didn’t mean for it to get so personal, but he wanted to tell someone other than Sasha and Anna. He told him about having nightmares and not being completely comfortable there, the consistent pain in his ribs and how much he really missed volleyball.

His mother sent the letters for him and he got a response almost a week later, which was also around the first time they Skyped. It didn’t last long, and everyone was excited to hear from him. Everyone made him promise to write often, and they Skyped every few days which made the first month’s boredom and waiting a lot easier.

Most of the first month he didn’t get outside, and he was stuck in bed until the end of the second week anyways. When he finally was allowed into his wheelchair and to move himself around, he was stuck in a one on one mental therapy sessions and short physical ones with Thompson, just to stretch his muscles.

It was in the beginning of the second month that he started trying to stand again, which was absolutely horrible. It hurt so much.

He was usually in the gym with Thompson and Anna or Gatley helping him on either sides of low parallel bars. He would use them to pull himself out of the chair and try to stand on both feet be he almost always collapsed. But he was determined, and argued with his doctors until he was allowed more physical therapy time at the cost of less Skype time with his friends. He reasoned with himself that he could get better faster with more therapy so it wouldn’t matter if they video called less. He still wrote letters anyways.

At the end of the first week on month two was when he got the chance to really talk to James again, while eating lunch together in the lounging room.

“You,” James started. “Are the most determined kid I have had the pleasure of meeting.”

“Thank you?” Shouyou said.

James laughed. “A lot of kids get discouraged around this time and try to give up. That’s why I was at home when you showed up, and that’s why it’s taking so long for me to heal. I just don’t think it’s worth it.”

Shouyou frowned. “Why not?”

“I hate it here,” James shrugged, taking a drink of his water.

“I mean, it’s not that bad right?”

James sighed and leaned back in his chair, looking Shouyou up and down. “Who are your physical therapists?”

“Thompson and Gatley, why?”

James leaned forward and so did Shouyou. Quietly he said, “Do everything you can to avoid Gatley, all right? He’s fucking insane.”

Shouyou leaned back in confusion, “Are we talking about the same guy? He’s really nice from what I’ve seen.”

“Just-” James sighed. “Trust me okay? Whenever they give you the option, pick Thompson over Gatley. You won’t regret it.”

“Okay…”

“Anyways,” James said, his voice back to a normal tone. “How do you like America?”

Shouyou shrugged. “I dunno. I haven’t really seen much outside of this place. But I feel kind of… detected? It’s strange.”

“Ooh, that’s _dépaysement_ ,” James said, stealing one of Shouyou’s orange slices. “It’s a French word that doesn’t translate. But it’s basically the word for feeling disorientated in another country. Like being a fish out of water.”

“How do you know that?”

“I like language. I told you that.”

“Well I like volleyball.

James laughed and tapped his chin. “Is that your real hair color?”

“Yup!” Shouyou said proudly, biting into an orange slice.

“No way. There’s no way you were born with hair that bright.”

Shouyou laughed. “I was. You should see one of the guys on my volleyball team. His hair is naturally grey and he’s only eightteen.”

“That’s crazy cool. What other kinds of people do you have on your team?”

“Hmm… There’s Nishinoya - well, his first name is Yuu, but we all call him Noya. He’s shorter than me, but his hair is _literally_ ten centimeters tall,” Shouyou laughed.

“Wow, that like… four inches?”

“I don’t know,” Shouyou said. “But it’s super spiked. Then there’s Asahi, who looks like he could beat you up in seconds flat but is actually a giant teddy bear. His hair goes to his shoulders when he takes it out of the bun.”

“Sounds interesting,” James said. “Okay, who is the best player?”

Shouyou pouted and mumbled, “Well I wish it was me, but it’s not…” He ran through everyone’s abilities in his head then said, “Probably Ka - well, _Tobio_ but I call him Kageyama, because it’s weird to call him by his first name. He’s a first year like me.”

“What makes him the best player?”

“He’s pretty tall for fifteen, and he’s super smart about gameplay and stuff,” Shouyou thought. There was a lot of stuff really. “He’s pretty fast when it comes to decision making and he’s strong, and out best setter. Probably our best server too. And he can spike, but not as good as Asahi.”

“Do you like him?”

“Well I _guess,_ but only because, er, I don’t know, but-”

James stopped him, “No, I mean _like_ him.”

“What - _oh,_ ” Shouyou face heated up and he quietly held up his hands. “No no no! We’re just friends!”

James grinned slyly, “Oh really? How did he react to you leaving?”

“He was - I don’t know! Sad, I guess. He hugged me which was weird, because he’s never done that and he’s not that kind of person and - wait… _wait a minute…”_ Shouyou looked up at James with wide eyes and whispered, horrified, “ _Do you think he likes me?_ ”

James laughed. “Who knows! But you’re really cute and funny so probably.”

“Did you just call me cute?”

“I call it as I see it, man,” James said. “And you smiled when you brought up this Kageyama guy and started blushing so, hey, I’m just saying.”

“Shut up,” Shouyou flicked a pea at him. Honestly, maybe this whole thing could be bearable with someone to keep him company.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING - THERE IS NON-CON IN THIS CHAPTER
> 
> Things start getting darker here... also this is another super long one (15+ pages). A lot of time jumps, because I can't cover absolutely everything that happened in six months, just the more important bits.
> 
> I'd also like to point out that I am in no way a doctor or therapist, nor do I have a prosthetic. I know this story is a unrealistic already, because usually people in accidents don't get a prosthetic until four to five months after their accident. I also know the healing process doesn't take six months. But, alas, this is a work of fiction. (sigh) 
> 
> Enjoy!

“How are you feeling, Shouyou?”

“Pretty good today,” He smiled.

“That’s good,” Gatley said. “Doctor Thompson told me you finally were able to hold yourself up on the bars? I wish I had been there to see.”

Shouyou grinned. The other day while his dad was visiting, he finally stayed standing for more than a few seconds and his dad got a picture, which Shouyou sent to his friends. “Yeah, it feels like I’m finally progressing!”

“Good, you seemed pretty discouraged for a while,” Gatley nodded. “Today I was thinking we should just work on stretching the muscles in your thigh and hip area since you haven’t used them in a while, and you may be walking soon.”

“Yes!” Shouyou nodded excitedly, shifting his weight on the table he sat on. The room he was in was fairly small, with the table he was sitting on, Gatley’s desk and a chair behind it, the the couch across from the table and a bookshelf in the corner.

“All right, just lay on your back,” Gatley instructed and Shouyou did as he was told. A cold hand landed on his left thigh and the other on the bottom of his foot. “Bend your knee.”

Gatley pushed gently at the bottom of his foot, helping him bend his leg all the way. “How have your ribs been?”

“Tons better,” Shouyou said. “Only a little bit of soreness if I move too fast.”

Gatley guided him through a bunch more stretches, asking him about how he was feeling and if anything hurt. When they were finally done Gatley helped him sit up, his left leg dangling off the table.

“How do you feel?”

Shouyou shrugged. “I feel… looser? Loose than I have been anyways. Sitting in the wheelchair makes my back stiff.”

“Maybe you won’t be in it much longer,” Gatley said with a smile. He put a hand on the table next to Shouyou and leaned on it. “You’re already making quicker progress than I’ve ever seen.”

“I’m just excited to get better,” Shouyou said. “I want to play volleyball again.”

“You seem to really like volleyball.”

“I love it! I can jump super high and - well… I use to jump super high…” Shouyou looked down. “Do you think I’ll still be able too?”

Gatley put his hand on Shouyou’s arm comfortingly and said, “I’ve seen your final prosthetic and I think it’s the perfect kind for jumping. If you’re determined enough I think you can.”

Shouyou pouted, “I really hope so.”

“Well, you still have the muscles in this leg,” Gatley moved his hand from Shouyou’s arm and put it on his left thigh, then dragged it over his knee and squeezed his calf. Shouyou shivered from the touch. “So I think you’ll do great.”

Gatley helped him get back in his wheelchair, saying, “Our next one on one session is Thursday.”

“Okay,” Shouyou said. “Thank you.”

“Of course,” Gatley said, brushing Shouyou’s hair away from his face. Shouyou leaned away from the touch, feeling uncomfortable.

Gatley pushed him down the hallway towards the lounge where he was expected to participate in a group therapy. Anna usually translated for him, but he never paid attention anyways. Once in the room, Gatley squeezed his shoulder and bent down to his ear, “I’ll be helping you and Doctor Thompson tomorrow.”

Shouyou nodded and Gatley left, then he wheeled himself over in between James and Anna who were already waiting.

James leaned over and spoke so only Shouyou could hear him, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I told you I’ve been feeling better,” Shouyou said with an eyebrow raised. “Why?”

“Nevermind,” James shook his head.

The next day he wrote another letter to the team and a separate one to Kageyama. In the one to the team, he included a picture of James, with his permission. When he sat in his room writing his letter to Kageyama, James plopped on his bed and leaned over his shoulder.

“You’re writing a separate letter to him?” James asked. “Wow if that doesn’t scream  _ ‘I’m in love with you,’  _ I don’t know what does.”

“Shut up,” Shouyou blushed, putting his hand over the paper.

“I’m just stating the facts,” James put up his hands in mock surrender.

Shouyou rolled his eyes. “Well you don’t need to. Besides, it’d be weird to like him, he’s a jerk.”

“I thought you said he was your friend.”

“Well… he is, but - he’s a jerk too.” Shouyou pouted.

James laughed. “You fill me with  _ gigil _ .”

Shouyou’s ear perked at the foreign sounding word. “What’s that?”

“It’s Filipino. Another word without a direct translation,” He explained, flipping his hair out of his eyes. “It’s like… the overwhelming urge to squeeze something very cute.”

“Again with the cute thing.”

“Well you are!” James said, then wiggled his eyebrows. “I wouldn’t be surprised if Kageyama thought you were cute.”

Shouyou reached behind himself and grabbed his pillow then hit James with it.

“Admit it! You like the thought!” James laughed, pulling the pillow away from his face. “You’re blushing so hard.”

Shouyou groaned and covered his face with his hands, trying to picture Kageyama saying he was cute, but only managing to make himself even more embarrassed. But maybe… it wasn’t… bad… “Okay! Fine!” He shouted, then mumbled, “Maybe it’s not too bad…”

“Aw!” James said, reaching out and tugging at his hair playfully.

Shouyou took his hands away from his face, “But there's no way! He’s straight and too thick headed and focused on volleyball and dumb. He’d never like me back.”

“You just said ‘like me  _ back _ ,’” James smirked.

Shit. “No I didn’t!”

“You totally did!” James fell backwards on the bed laughing. “You like him!”

“I will suffocate you with this pillow.”

James just laughed harder.

Shouyou wouldn’t admit it out loud to anyone else (on purpose anyways), but maybe… just maybe, James was right.

 

* * *

 

“Sasha wants to talk a few of us out to eat since we’ve made to most progress,” James said, before Anna could translate. That must be why their group therapist had called in Shouyou, James and two of the others.

“We’re actually going out?” Shouyou asked. He really been outside since his first day there, this was great! “Awesome!”

Sasha said something else to all of them and Anna translated, “We’re going out tonight around 19:00.”

That was in four hours, so he would still have time to Skype his team like he had planned on tonight. “Where are we going?”

He didn’t really listen to Anna and James translating for Sasha about some fancy restaurant and how he’d have to leave his prosthetic and only use his wheelchair. He was really just glad to get out of the suffocating building where doctors and orderlies were constantly leaning over his shoulder.

Later that day when he set up the Skype call with his team he had to kick James out of the room for fear of embarrassment. He spoke with everyone, even Takeda-sensei and coach Ukai, listening to retellings of recent games and pretending it didn’t hurt to hear about all the fun he had missed.

When it was Kageyama, Sugawara and Nishinoya’s turn he had already spoken with everyone else, when something occurred to him. He had gotten so used to everyone around here calling him Shouyou, that it sounded weird for his closer friends to still call him by his last name.

“You know, you guys are all my friends, it sounds so formal for you still to be calling me Hinata. You guys can call me Shouyou, if you want,” He said, trying to sound casual. It wasn’t like he was gauging Kageyama’s reaction or waiting for him to say it. Or anything like that.

Noya face lit up and Suga smiled, “We’ll call you whatever makes you happy.”

He didn’t miss when Kageyama said, “Shouyou,” under his breath and ignored the little jolt it sent to his heart. He grinned at them instead.

The door to his room opened and he sent a warning glare at James, who just said, “Are you ready to go? We’re leaving in a minute.”

“Oh yeah, sorry James. Just let me say goodbye,” Shouyou said. James nodded and closed the door. “Sorry, our group therapist, Sasha, is taking a few of us out to dinner. It’s the first time I’ve been out of this place in almost two months!”

“Good for you Shouyou!” Suga said, smiling big.

“We’ll talk to you soon,” Noya said, holding up a peace sign with his fingers.

Kageyama said, “Have fun. We’ll Skype again soon.”

Shouyou smiled and waved at them before ending the call, and sitting back with a sigh. He missed them so much.  _ Soon _ , he kept telling himself,  _ just work harder and faster and I’ll see them soon. _

It was nice to get out though, if not a little overwhelming. It was obvious James was uncomfortable, missing an arm and wearing a upper back brace over his shirt still. Regardless, it looked like he was enjoying himself and Shouyou was too. It was weird, since everyone was speaking English so Anna and James were really the only ones he could talk to directly and passerby kept throwing weird glances at their group of misfits. 

They were eating at a pretty fancy restaurant too, with candles and white tablecloths and waiters in suits. It was weird and he kind of wish they went somewhere less formal. He’s sure James and the two other kids would have been happier elsewhere too.

“Hey,” James said, poking Shouyou in the shoulder. Shouyou swatted him away giggled when James stuck his tongue out. “What’s your favorite food?”

“Tamago kake gohan. It’s rice with a raw egg.”

“Raw? Ew. What about fruit?”

“Hm… strawberries,” Shouyou decided.

James smiled, “I feel like I should have expected something sweet like that from you. What about your least favorite food?”

Shouyou tapped his chin. “Do drinks count?”

“Yep.”

“Then… plain milk.”

“Really?”

Shouyou nodded. “Yeah it doesn’t taste like anything! It’s gross. It’s Kageyama’s favorite though; I don’t understand how he doesn’t get stomach aches all the time.”

James smirked at him. “Okay what about  _ strawberry  _ milk?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever had that. What if it ruins strawberries for me?”

James picked up his glass on the table and held it out to Shouyou, “Good thing that’s what I ordered. Try it.”

“No way.”

“Just try. One sip.”

Shouyou sighed and took the glass from him, making a point to take the tiniest sip possible. He tried to hand it back to James, but he just pushed it towards Shouyou again. Shouyou sighed and took and actual drink, then looked down in shock. “Okay that’s actually really good.”

“I knew you’d like it,” James said, taking the cup back and drinking a generous amount.

“Okay what about you? Favorite food and least favorite.”

James tilted his head, “Hm… my favorite food is always changing but right now it’s simply mashed potatoes. And my least favorite is onions.”

“Onions? That’s random.”

James shrugged. “Milk is a weird thing not to like.

Shouyou laughed.

 

* * *

 

The next few weeks he worked as hard a possible trying to walk. Sometimes he would get a few steps, gripping the parallel bars as tightly as he could, and some days he never got past standing up. He didn’t have time for Skyping his team anymore, with the timezone differences, therapy here, school and practice for them. 

Halfway through month three he finally,  _ finally _ walked the length of the parallel bars. From then on, it seemed to get easier. He couldn’t walk completely on his own yet, but they had him walking really slowly on the treadmill, holding tight to the bars on either side. He was always really sore afterward, but he was too excited to care. 

Most days he spent in the gym with Thompson or Gatley, or working on stretching his muscles and standing on his own one on one with Gatley. 

One day before a session with Gatley, he sat in the lounge with James when one of the other doctors walked in with a girl in a wheelchair to introduce her to Sasha. Shouyou leaned across the table to James and asked, “What are they saying?”

James listened for a moment then said, “She’s transferring here for the last phase of her therapy.”

“Shouyou, James!” Sasha said cheerfully, then spoke to James who translated for Shouyou, “Can she sit over here with us?”

They both nodded, and the doctor that brought her in wheeled her over to their table. She looked a year or two older than both of them and had shoulder length blonde hair. Shouyou noticed that she had two professional looking prosthetic legs.

James held out a hand for her to shake and spoke in English. Shouyou shook her hand too and just smiled when she said something. He looked to James to wait for a translation. “She said it’s nice to meet you. Her name’s Laura.”

He nodded and smiled at her. “Shouyou.”

Laura looked confused and James spoke, probably explaining that he only spoke Japanese. She seemed understanding and nodded, smiling at both of them.

Over the next hour they all sat together talking. It started off difficult, but they easily fell into a system. Laura would look at Shouyou when talking to him, though James would translate and vice versa. Whenever Shouyou or Laura spoke to James, he would repeat a translation so no one felt left out because of the language barrier.

It was a little awkward and took a while, but it worked for them, which turned out to be a lot of fun. Laura explained that she could already walk, but she was here to finish the mental part of her therapy and she only used the wheelchair when she was really tired. She lost both of her legs in a surfing accident, which Shouyou and James both agreed was the superior accident.

“Shouyou?” Anna interrupted. He hadn’t even noticed her walk over. “It’s time for you to go see Gatley.”

He nodded and said goodbye to Laura and James. Anna tried to push his wheelchair for him, but he wanted to do it himself, which she said was fine. He had gotten pretty good at maneuvering around and even raced James down the hallway at one point and won. Although James might have actually let him win.

Anna opened the door to Gatley’s room and he wheeled himself in and waved goodbye.

“Hello Shouyou,” Gatley said, standing up from the chair near his desk. “How are you today?”

“Pretty good. I just met that new girl, Laura. Even though we don’t speak the same language, we get along,” Shouyou said.

“That’s great, I’m glad you have friends! Now... let’s get you on the table, can you stand?” Gatley offered his hand. Shouyou gripped it hard and slowly stood up from his wheelchair, balancing on his left leg. He stumbled a bit and Gatley moved his hand to Shouyou’s waist to steady him. “Here,” He swiftly lifted Shouyou under the arms and put him on the table. 

“Thanks.”

“All right. Have you been feeling any pain lately?” He asked, standing in front of Shouyou. 

“Only after walking,” Shouyou said. “Around my ribs, abs and my right thigh is usually sore.”

“Sit up straight,” Gatley said, stepping so he was almost touching the table between Shouyou’s legs. Shouyou straightened and  Gatley reached out pressed his thumbs gently against Shouyou’s abdomen. “Tell me where the soreness usually is,” Gatley wrapped his fingers around Shouyou’s sides, pressing into his front with his thumbs and moving his hands around.

Shouyou winced when he pressed a spot that still hurt. “There.”

“Okay,” Gatley said. He moved his hands down towards Shouyou’s hips, pressing his thumbs below his navel. “Anywhere here?”

“No,” Shouyou said. It felt really weird, and he fought the urge to pull away. This guy was a doctor, he knew what he was doing - he was just… a little too close. Shouyou leaned back a little bit, placing his hands on the table behind him.

“You have really well developed abs. I bet you’ll regain the muscle you lost in no time,” Gatley said.

Shouyou didn’t respond. Instead, he was intensely aware of Gatley’s hands as they suddenly moved from his hips to the upper sides of his thighs. It didn’t feel like he was examining, but more like… caressing?

“You said your thighs get sore?”

“J-just the right one,” Shouyou said.

Gatley making a noise of acknowledgement, moving his thumbs to the insides of Shouyou’s thighs. Shouyou jerked away, pulling himself back against the wall, wide eyed. At that precise moment, the phone rang. Gatley moved away and answered the phone, his gaze lingering on Shouyou and making him squirm uncomfortably. 

His heart was beating fast and his hands shook a little bit, but he wasn’t completely sure why. He took a few deep breaths, urging himself to calm down.

The rest of the session was normal, except for Gatley’s hands sometimes moving a little too slow or resting on Shouyou a little too long. When it was over, Shouyou felt himself shaking with nervousness a little bit as he wheeled back to his room. 

“Shouyou!” James jumped up from his bed. “Look, I finally got my prosthetic!”

James lifted his arm to show off the shiny black prosthetic, grinning proudly. “It’s not like the expensive ones that can move the fingers, but I should be able to use it  _ almost _ like a real arm!”

“Wow! That’s great James!” Shouyou smiled at him, his nervousness melting away. He had probably been imagining most of whatever had happened anyways.

 

* * *

 

It was almost a week later when he finally took his first few unassisted steps. His mom and dad he been there and James had been in the gym too; they all cheered for him when he stepped away from the parallel bars and walked up to his mom. It was only a few steps, but it didn’t hurt too bad and his mom pulled him into a hug and started crying.

He cried too, finally after three months, he moved by himself. It felt like the first step to freedom. From then on, he felt like he could be more independant, and pushed to get more time in therapy or in the gym.

It started with him putting on his prosthetic in the morning and walking to his wheelchair, or making quick trips across the lounge area to get something, or walking unassisted on the treadmill. Thompson said he was making amazing progress and had never seen someone recover so quickly. Shouyou was proud of himself, and felt excitement in his chest from it.

Laura and James would join him on the treadmills in the morning sometimes, and Shouyou envied they way Laura seemed so comfortable with her prosthetics. She assured him it would get easier, especially when he got his permanent one.

One day when he was feeling especially great, Thompson let him, Laura and James go to the bigger gym with the court in it. He tried to play basketball with them but only lasted a few minutes. It was fun anyways, cheering on Laura who was doing way better than James. Sometimes he would jump in and steal the ball for one of them, but had to keep sitting out. It was a little discouraging, but he knew eventually he would be able to join them for longer.

His mom took a picture of them that day, and he sent it in a letter to his team, telling them about Laura and how he’s been doing. He apologized for not writing most of the month, he had been so busy trying to get to this point in his recovery.

During a conference that happened between his parents, therapists and himself, Sasha suggested she take him and his friends out to celebrate how far he’s come and his parents thought it was a great idea.

That’s how James roped him into getting the two lips piercings. 

“You’d look so cool!” James grinned at him, practically jumping up and down. “We’d match, too!”

“I don’t know…” Shouyou mumbled. “What if I look stupid?”

“You won’t!” James assured, then smiled slyly. “I bet Kageyama would really like them… you’d look pretty hot.”

Shouyou felt his face get red, “No! I wouldn’t get piercing just to get Kageyama to like me!”

So he got the two black piercings on his lower lip, much to James’ excitement. His mom wasn’t super pleased about it, but when she saw his smile, she said she could get used to it. 

He sent a picture to Karasuno, too. (And hoped Kageyama would see it.)

A few days later he got letters back, one from the team and one from Kageyama. Shouyou laughed when he read Kageyama’s, the setter seemed a little jealous that he was hanging out with Laura. He read the letter to James, who then used it as leverage to prove that Kageyama liked him, but Shouyou still didn’t buy it.

Things were going pretty well for Shouyou.

 

* * *

 

The first week of the fourth month, Shouyou stepped,  _ that’s right, stepped, _ into Gatley’s room and shut the door behind himself. Gatley stood up with a smile.

“You don’t have your wheelchair!”

“Yup! Doctor Thompson said it was okay to walk freely all day if I wanted,” Usually he brought his wheelchair with him, just incase, but today they were seeing how he did without it.

Gatley pat the table and Shouyou maneuvered to sit up on it while Gatley said, “That’s really great, Shouyou.”

Since he was up and walking more they moved from exclusively stretching his legs to his whole body. He ran through a set of stretches while on the table, then Gatley had him stand on the floor so he could stretch his core.

He faced Gatley and copied a few of the stretches he did, listening to the instructions carefully. He didn’t want to accidently injure himself and have to start over.

“Can you touch the floor without bending your knees?” Gatley asked.

Shouyou nodded and bent over, reaching toward the toes of his foot and prosthetic. Gatley’s hand moved across his back and he said, “Good, you’re almost there.”

His fingertips brushed the floor and he sighed in relief, the stood up. Gatley’s hands trailed up his back and rested on his shoulder, then he stepped in front of Shouyou. He was so close that their toes were practically touching. Shouyou took a step back but bumped into the table.

“You know,” Gatley said, putting a hand on the table next to Shouyou, blocking him from moving. “You’re very pretty for a boy.”

“Uh-” Shouyou leaned back and tried to slide away but Gatley moved his other hand up Shouyou’s arm and onto his shoulder, his thumb pressing into Shouyou’s collarbone.  “What are you-”

His hand moved from Shouyou’s shoulder to his neck, wrapping around and gripping his jaw to tilted his head up. Shouyou could barely move, the man’s chest almost pressed against his, pinning him against the edge of the table. His heart jumped to his throat and he grabbed Gatley’s wrist, trying to pull his hand away from gripping his neck. The hand on the table moved up to his hip, brushing his shirt up a few centimeters.

Shouyou shivered and his stomach twisted. “W-wait-”

Gatley turned Shouyou’s head to the side and pressed his lips to the crook of the redhead’s neck. Shouyou’s pupils dilated and he tried to pull his head away and lifted his good leg to push his knee against Gatley’s hip but he wouldn’t move. What was he doing?

“Don’t!” Shouyou shouted when his shirt lifted higher. He didn’t understand why this was happening, it was so gross but he didn’t know how to stop it. Fingers dug into his neck causing him to gasp, his head titled painfully back.

“If you scream, I’ll make sure you never walk again.”

Shouyou felt the his blood run cold.

Cold, rough fingers slid up his shirt and over his stomach- he tried to jerk away but Gatley’s legs were on either side of his and he was completely trapped against the table. His head was yanked toward Gatley and his eyes shot open wide when when he felt a mouth on his own.

“Mmf-” He pounded a fist against Gatley’s chest and tried to push him away with the other. Gatley grabbed his wrist tightly and pulled it, then leaned over him, forcing his head to tilt back painfully. His mouth was pressed open and he felt tears build in his eyes. He bucked his hips and the cold hand on his stomach moved around to his side and gripped tightly to hold him in place.

“You’re one of the most athletic patents I’ve ever had,” Gatley said against his mouth. Shouyou felt like he was going to vomit, his skin prickled, this was so gross, gross,  _ gross _ .

“Please stop,” Shouyou gasped, tears crawling down his cheeks as Gatley moved his mouth across his jaw and down his neck. His shirt collar was pulled down and he felt teeth sink into his skin. He winced and lifted his left leg, kicking at Gatley’s, but the man grabbed his thigh and kept it wrapped around his hip. Why was this happening to him? “I don’t like this,” He sobbed.

Gatley pressed his crotch against Shouyou, “It’s your fault. You have such a nice body and a girly face. So perfect…”

Shouyou gagged and shoved at him with his free hand, “Let go.”

Gatley licked a stripe from his collarbone to his jaw and dug his thumb into Shouyou’s  hip bone. “Aw Shouyou don’t cry. You like this.”

“N-no!” Shouyou shook his head quickly and frantically flailed his arms as best as he could. Gatley  _ tsk _ ed and finally backed off. 

Shouyou sunk to his knees, sobbing and wiping his eyes. He felt so dirty and awful. Was that really his fault? Why would Gatley do something like that? He was going to vomit, his skin crawled and he felt naked.

“We’re done for today, you can go.”

Shouyou bolted out of the room, his legs feeling unsteady and his thigh burning from the sudden strain. Dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty chanted through his head when he stumbled into his room and then into the adjoining bathroom, ignoring James sat on the bed. Shouyou fell onto the side of the tub, hands shaking as he fumbled to take off his prosthetic and tears dripping off his cheeks.

_ I shouldn’t feel like this it wasn’t even that bad _ , Shouyou told himself,  _ I’m fine, it’s okay.  _

James banged on the door making Shouyou jump.

“Shou? Are you okay?” He asked through the door. Shouyou could see his shadow under it. “You looked sick.”

“I-I’m,” He took a shuddering breath, trying to calm his voice. “I’m okay. Just… I’m just going to take a shower.”

“All right… Do you want me to hand you a change of clothes?” James asked.

He was such an idiot how did he forget to grab a change of clothes? “Uh… yeah.”

James’ shadow retreated, then came back a few seconds later. He cracked open the door and set the clothes on the edge of the sink, then closed the door. Shouyou thanked him and waited for his lingering shadow to walk away.

Shouyou took a deep breath, and managed to get his prosthetic off, then tugged away his jeans, underwear and then shirt. He climbed into the tub and sat on the chair placed in there specifically for him. He turned on the water as hot as it went and turned his face up to it, relishing in the sting.

He scrubbed his skin raw, trying to get rid of the feeling of Gatley’s fingers sliding over him and his nails digging into Shouyou’s hip, lips on his skin. Shouyou didn’t even notice when the skin on his arms started to bleed from scrubbing so hard, he just wanted to get the feeling of Gatley off him, it was so  _ wrong _ .

A bruise was forming on his hip, where Gatley’s thumb had dug in and there was a red bite mark below his left collarbone. He scratched at the bitemark, hoping it would go away but was only successful in making it worse.

When his skin was raw and pink he turned off the water, ignoring where it mixed with drops of blood near the drain. He got dressed, still feeling like his skin was grubby and cold. He stood on one shaking leg leaned heavily on the counter of the skin. He opened the door, and James looked up from where he lay listening to music on his bed.

James took his earbuds out and sat up.

“Can - can you bring me my wheelchair?” Shouyou asked. He didn’t have to concentration to stay upright on his prosthetic. 

“Yes - yeah, of course!” James jumped up and grabbed Shouyou’s wheelchair, unfolding it and placing it in front of him.

Shouyou sat down in it and grabbed his prosthetic off the floor and wheeled into their room. He put the leg on his bed and sighed, rubbing his fingers through his hair.

“Dude, really, are you okay?” James asked, sitting on the end of his own bed, facing Shouyou. “You don’t look too well, are you sick? Do you want me to get a doctor?”

“No! No… I’m…” Shouyou sighed. “I’m fine. I just felt a little sick to my stomach. The shower helped.” No it didn’t. Was he overreacting? Everything was fine.

James’ brown eyes held such a concern in them Shouyou had never seen before as they flicked over Shouyou’s body. James looked unsure, his brow crinkled, when he finally asked, “Were you - where did you just come from? Before you ran in here?”

He focused on a point away from James, refusing to let him establish eye contact for fear of breaking down. “Phys-physical therapy.”

“With who?”

Shouyou dug his fingers into the leather arms of his wheelchair and reach up with his other hand to twist his lip piercing. He wouldn’t think about it, he was fine, absolutely fine. There weren’t fingers inching up his skin or hot breath on his neck or -

“Shou, who were you just with?” James asked again. He crouched down in front of Shouyou’s wheelchair and Shouyou turned his head so he wouldn’t have to see how close James was. He was so close -  _ too close, get away! _

A hand landed on his own and he quickley pulled it away, his skin crawling.

“You were with Gatley,” James suddenly said. He grabbed Shouyou’s shoulders, causing him to jump and look up quickly. He’d never seen such an intense -  _ scared?  _ \- look in James’ eyes before, he couldn’t look away. “Shouyou, were you with Gatley?”

Shouyou nodded; how could he lie?

James stood up and turned away, pulling roughly at his dark hair and shouted, “Fuck!” He paced across the floor, still tugging at his hair. “I thought he would leave you alone, since you’ve been here so long and nothing’s happened. What changed?” He spun on his heel and looked at Shouyou intensely.

“W-what?”

“Was this the first time?”

Shouyou visibly flinched. James knew. Of course James knew, he had  _ warned  _ Shouyou. Way back in the beginning. The lingering touches suddenly made sense, Gatley always standing a little too close and holding onto him for a little too long. Just thinking about it made him want to throw up. “I - yeah. But he’s always been… too close. You… you knew. When you warned me before.”

James sighed ruffling his hair back into place, “Yeah, well, you’re not alone.”

Shouyou felt his blood run cold. It happened to James too. How had he not known? He asked, “How long?”

“Too long.”

“What do we do? I don’t want it to happen again. It was scary and I feel so gross now,” Shouyou felt tears pricking at the back of his eyes. How had James been staying so optimistic and happy all this time? When something like that had been happening to him? Shouyou didn’t want to cry, he was so weak; James had been putting up with it for much longer than him - he didn’t have the right to cry.

“Listen,” James crouched down in front of him again, reaching out to put a hand on his shoulder, but deciding against it and placing it on the arm of his chair. “You - you’re  _ not _ gross. Gatley is. He’s sick and perverted and disgusting, but you’re not, okay?”

Shouyou didn’t believe him. His skin was filthy and his lips felt soiled.  _ That was the first time someone kissed me _ ,  he thought bitterly. His lip trembled, remembering the pressure and he ducked his head, putting his face in his hands and curling in on himself. A sob caused his whole body to shake, and he felt tears leak from his eyes and wet his fingers.

“Oh, Shou…” James said quietly. “I’m going to touch you okay?” He put an arm across Shouyou’s back, gently brushing at the back of his hair. Shouyou just sobbed harder, shoulders hunching in. 

“It’s okay, it’s not your fault,” James said quietly, gently trailing his fingers through the orange hair. “It’s okay to cry.”

 

* * *

 

He was lucky enough to not have another session with Gatley for a week, because he was going to his parent’s apartment for a few days to celebrate Natsu’s birthday. He didn’t want to leave James alone, knowing what he would have to go through, but James assured him he would be fine.

Shouyou’s dad picked him up on a Wednesday and drove him to the apartment. He hadn’t been there since the beginning of his stay in America, but the place definitely looked more lived in. It was nice to just spent time with his family again - he hadn’t really noticed how much he missed them until now. Sure, he saw his mom or dad every few days but he didn’t see Natsu very often or all of them together.

When he stepped into the house with his prosthetic on, Natsu squealed and raced over to him, hugging him around the waist. “Your leg! Your leg!” She shouted, jumping up and down.

“Do you want to see?” Shouyou asked with a smile. Natsu nodded eagerly and Shouyou pulled his pant leg up to show the tan colored plastic. “This one is only temporary. I’ll get a new one soon.”

“Wow!” Natsu exclaimed, her eyes bright. “Guess what, nii-chan!”

“What?”

“I’m seven!”

Shouyou grinned and leaned down to tickle her, “I know you are, silly!”

The rest of the day Shouyou felt more happy than he had been in while. Nobody pushed him to talk about therapy or how he was mentally (which he was grateful for) and he was able to distract himself from everything by just having fun with his little sister.

“Natsu, it’s time to open your presents!” Their mom said, setting a few wrapped boxes on the ground.

Natsu cheered, and grabbed Shouyou’s arm, pulling him to sit on the floor with her. She sat in his lap and leaned forward to grab her first gift. Shouyou liked watching how carefree she was, getting excited over everything she got and jumping up to hug their mom or dad with each one.

He stayed at the apartment that night, sharing Natsu’s bed with her since it was big enough. But in the middle of the night, he woke to Natsu shaking him.

“What is it?” He asked, yawning and rubbing his eyes. He could barely see her sitting in front of him. 

“Did you have a nightmare?” She asked. He could see the silhouette of her head tilt to the side. “You were making noise and moving around.”

What had he been dreaming of? He couldn’t even remember, but he’d been having a few nightmare recently, so it was possible. He sighed, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

She slepped her hands against his cheeks, making him jump. “Stupid nii-chan. It’s okay.”

He smiled softly and pushed her to lay back down. “Go to sleep.”

“Okay.”

Before he had to go back to the the therapy center, he wrote another letter to the team since he hadn’t written at all that month. He apologized for not writing, talking about the extra physical therapy now that he was up and moving more often. To keep the topic light, he switched to writing about Natsu’s party and included a picture his mother took of Natsu and him sitting together.

When it was time for him to go back, he started to feel sick to his stomach and told his mom that he was going to throw up.

“Oh, honey, why?” She asked, brushing his hair off his forehead and pressing her cool hand against his skin.

He swallowed hard and opened and closed his mouth a few times. What could he tell her? He couldn’t tell her about Gatley, it was scary to think about and what if he couldn’t finish his therapy? “I… really,  _ really _ don’t like it at the center. I want to go home, mom.”

She smiled wistfully and cupped his face, “We all miss home, sweetheart. Only two or so more months, right?”

“I guess,” He sighed. “I don’t want to go back though. Please don’t make me.”

“Not much longer, okay sweetheart?” She said and he just nodded, climbing into the back of the car next to Natsu. He repeated what she said over and over in his head. Only two more months.  _ Two more months, two more months,  _ then he could finally go home _. _

 

* * *

 

“Shouyou, you’re going to be late for your session with Gatley,” Anna said. Shouyou sat at a table in the lounge with James and Laura. They were bickering over some American band, but James stopped translating halfway through the argument so Shouyou just sat watching them in amusement. He was in his wheelchair again today because his leg had started to hurt that morning.

“Do I have to?” Shouyou asked, twisting his lip piercing with one hand. James cut off in the argument and turned to looked at Shouyou and Anna.

Anna laughed. “Of course you do! What’s up with you recently? You used to be so excited for a therapy session.”

Shouyou sighed and locked eyes with James for a second, then wheeled his chair back from the table. “Whatever. Let’s go.”

She walked with him down the hall and Shouyou felt his heart pick up speed and his breath kept getting stuck in his throat. He didn’t want to go in there - he felt sick. He just wanted to go back to bed. Forever.

He barely registered Anna opening the door, pushing him in and then closing it. Shouyou trained his eyes on the floor, not wanting to look up. He didn’t want to see the man’s face; it was so embarrassing - he  _ couldn’t do this _ .

“Shouyou, it’s good to see you,” Gatley said happily. His feet tapped against the floor, walking towards Shouyou. “We missed our last session. I heard you went home for your sister’s birthday. Natsu, was it?”

_ Don’t say her name, don’t FUCKING say her name. _

Gatley’s shoes stopped in Shouyou’s line of sight but he still refused to look up as the man spoke again, “How are you feeling?”

“F-fine.”

“That’s good,” He said, stepping around back of Shouyou’s chair. He tensed up as Gatley pushed the chair farther in the room, towards the table he always sat on. “You’re in the wheelchair again, have you been in pain?”

“A - a little,” He answered quietly. Gatley stepped back in front of him.

“I’ll help you onto the table,” Gatley said, reaching towards Shouyou’s arms. 

Shouyou pulled his arms off the rests of the chair and put them in his lap. “Don’t - don’t touch me.”

“Aw, don’t be like that, Shouyou,” Gatlery said. He put his hands on the arms of the chair and leaned over Shouyou. “You’re too good looking not to touch.”

Shouyou flinched away and curled in his shoulders, ducking his head, feeling like crying. He was too close, his breath on Shouyou’s ear, his chest blocking him in. His cold hand touched Shouyou’s bare arm, fingers trailing up to his neck, the roughly gripping his jaw and yanking his head up. Shouyou only had time to gasp before Gatley’s lips were on his, roughly kissing him.

Shouyou squeezed his eyes shut, tears leaking out as he tried to pull away. Gatley grabbed his shoulder, keeping him in place and tightened his grip on Shouyou’s jaw and  _ it hurt _ . His mouth was forced open and Shouyou’s eyes shot wide when he felt Gatley’s tongue in his mouth. Shouyou reached up and pushed at Gatley’s chest, but the man just grabbed his wrist and held it away. 

Then he was lifted from the chair and set on the couch, his head hitting the arm rest. Their mouths disconnected and Shouyou gasped for breath, his cheeks wet with tears he didn’t realize he had shed. He frantically pushed at Gately, who was leaning over him with one knee on the couch, blocking him from escaping. 

“Let go!” Shouyou shouted, kicking his one leg and shoving at Gatley.

Gatley’s hand clamped down on his mouth. “If you keep making noise, I’ll make sure you never walk again.”

Shouyou’s eye widened. That’s what he said last time, what if he actually had the power to do that? Of course he did, he was a doctor here. Shouyou stopped begging, instead grabbed Gatley’s wrist and tried to pull it from his neck. A sob wracked through him and Gatley moved his hand from Shouyou’s mouth and pushed his fingers through the orange hair. Shouyou turned his head away from the hand, but Gatley roughly tugged so Shouyou had to look up at him.

“Please st-stop,” Shouyou begged through his tears.

Gatley ducked his head and pressed his lips to Shouyou’s jaw, then moved farther down and sucked on his neck. A jolt shot straight to Shouyou’s groin causing him to moan loudly, and he clamped his mouth shut, embarrassed. Gatley laughed against his neck, then pushed up Shouyou’s tee shirt.

“You like it,” Gatley said, rubbing his hand up Shouyou’s chest, thumb grazing over his nipples.

Shouyou gasped and shook his head, trying to pull Gatley’s arm away, but the man was stronger. “N-no, I don’t. Please… I - please stop.”

“Why would I do that?” Gatley said, moving so his was between Shouyou’s thighs and pressing his mouth against Shouyou’s chest. Gatley pushed Shouyou’s shirt all the way up and tucked the front behind his head so his arms were pinned back. His mouth trailed up Shouyou’s chest and over his nippples, then down towards the waistband of his jeans. “You’re enjoying this. It’s your fault anyways, for acting like you do. You're making me do this.”

“I don’t -  _ stop _ , please, I don’t understa- hng!” Shouyou’s head flung back at the sudden pressure of Gatley’s hand on the crotch of his jeans. 

Gatley snorted. “See? You’re hard.”

“No! I don’t - that’s not -” Shouyou squirmed and kicked with his left leg. Gatley grabbed the back of his knee, stilling his movements. “Please-” He sobbed. 

The man moved his head to press his nose into Shouyou’s hair, his hot breath on Shouyou’s cheek. “I love your hair. So much more… interesting than anyone else’s.”

How many people had he done this to? How did James manage to stay happy all the time? Did he have nightmares? Was Shouyou just weak? Gatley said this was his fault… maybe it really was.

Gatley’s palm pressed hard into his jeans, the friction against his dick causing him to buck his hips up and gasp. Lips found the underside of his jaw, followed by teeth. The hand at his groin moved up and the button of his jeans was suddenly undone, the the zipper was being dragged down -

The phone rang. Gatley made a noise of frustration, his hands retracting as he stood up, leaving Shouyou panting, tears streaming down his face. Gatley walked to his desk and answered the phone, turning away. 

Shouyou took a few deep breaths, struggling to get his shirt back on and zipping up his jeans. His hands were shaking too hard, his vision blurred by tears. He wiped his eyes furiously, trying to calm himself down. His skin prickled, feeling wet and grimy, his dick uncomfortable in his pants. He leaned off the couch and grabbed his wheelchair, lifting himself into it just as Gatley ended the phone call.

“Well, we’re going to cut this session short Shouyou, as I have some business to attend to elsewhere,” Gatley said, walking back across the room to him. Shouyou looked down at his lap. Gatley walked past him to the door, unlocking it (Shouyou hadn't realized he locked it in the first place).

Shouyou wheeled his chair to the door and out into the hallway.

“I’ll see you in two days, Shouyou,” Gatley said with a smile, then closed the door.

Taking a deep breath, Shouyou wiped his eyes again and kept his head down as he made his way through the halls to his and James’ room. When he got there, he reached up to open the door and pushed his way through, turning to close it again. James sat up from reading on his bed and looked at Shouyou with wide eyes, neither of them speaking.

“How - how do you do it?” Shouyou asked quietly.

“Do what?”

A tear fell from his eye, and he choked out, “How do you act like nothing's wrong! Am I really so weak that I can’t keep it together after it’s only happened twice? I don’t even know how long you’ve been dealing with this for and I’m so selfish that  _ I  _ can’t even help  _ you _ !” He broke down sobbing, covering his face with one hand, the other tugging at his hair.

“Oh, Shou…” James jumped off his bed and walked over to Shouyou, crouching down in front of him like last time. He reached out to put a hand on Shouyou’s shoulder, but Shouyou swatted the hand away.

“Don’t touch me,” He bit out.

“Okay, okay,” James said calmly, the sighed. “I don’t really know how I deal with it, okay? I just… shut off my emotions when it happens… if that makes sense. So it’s like it wasn’t me.”

“H - how do I-” He gasped out a sob, trying to wipe the tears away but they just kept coming. “How do I do that? I don’t like it,  _ I don’t like it. _ ”

“I don’t know, Shouyou… I really wish I knew how to help,” James said. He stayed crouched in front of the wheelchair for as long as it took Shouyou to finally calm down and stop crying. Shouyou was grateful for that.

“This sucks,” Shouyou said.

James gave a choked laugh. “Yeah…  _ weltschmerz _ .”

“Is-” He hiccuped, “Is that German?”

“Yeah. It’s ‘despair caused by the state of the world’,” James said. Shouyou agreed with that.

Shouyou sniffed and looked up. “I need to take a shower.”

“That’s fine,” James said, standing up. “I’ll get your clothes for you.”

James got him a change of clothes and wheeled him into the bathroom, then shut the door, saying to call if he needed anything. Shouyou brushed his teeth twice, then took another scalding shower, scrubbing his skin raw, trying desperately to get the feeling of Gatley off him.

His body felt numb and he hugged his arms around himself, bending over in the chair so his forehead hit his knee. He wanted to go home. Back to Japan, with his friends and his real house, where things were normal. Shouyou hated it here. He wanted it to end.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember this is _not_ the love story between Kageyama and Hinata. That's what "The Things I'll Do for You" was for. This is about what happened in America, and how Hinata dealt with it, and why he was the way he was when he came back to Japan.  
>  XXXX  
> PLEASE:  
> If you are being abused in any way, (sexually, physically, emotionally), **TELL SOMEONE.** Okay? It's not right, it's not your fault, and it doesn't make you weak or dirty. You are a human being and deserve to be treated like one. If you are being hurt, **please talk to someone about it.** Tell a teacher, a friend, a co-worker, a parent, a sibling. Don't keep it to yourself.  
>  XXXX  
> Anyways, thank you a bunch for reading, and the next chapter should be on in three or so days!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NON-CON WARNING IN THE CHAPTER.
> 
> So it's actually really difficult to write from the POV of someone from a different country being in the country I already live in? I'm not really sure how they would react?? I hope I'm doing okay with it.
> 
> Also I'm not used to writing Hinata's POV, I usually write as Kageyama because I can relate to his personality better.

Shouyou sat on the gym court with James and Laura, rolling a basketball between them. Nobody spoke, each lost in their own thoughts. James had gotten his back brace removed finally, but had to take it easy still, so they weren’t playing any sports. Shouyou still hadn’t told anyone about Gatley, even though it’s happened over and over again. He wanted to go home more and more everyday; he was constantly felt sick to his stomach and his skin was always crawling.

James had given him his black beanie, which Shouyou took to wearing often. It was hard to explain, but it was a comfort having it on his head all the time - like a grounding feeling. Shouyou felt bad about keeping it, but James waved him off and said he had another one back home.

James broke the silence, “I hate this place.” He said, then once again in English.

Shouyou and Laura nodded. Shouyou was scared that if he told someone, it would ruin his chances of getting his final prosthetic and completing his therapy. He caused it each time anyways, why would anyone help if he was basically asking for it?

The gym door opened and Anna strode over to them and crouch down next to Shouyou. “Your dad’s here to visit.”

He sighed and Anna helped him stand up. He followed her out of the gym and to the lounge where his dad sat on one of the couches. The man stood up when he saw Shouyou. “Hey Shouyou! How’s the leg?”

“It’s fine,” Shouyou said, sitting in the chair across from the couch. He drew his left leg up and rested his cheek on it, then twisted his lip piercing with one hand. “Where’s mom and Natsu?”

“They wanted to visit too, but Natsu has a bit of a fever and you mother decided to stay home with her,” His father explained, sitting back down. His brow furrowed. “Are you okay, son?”

“Yeah. Fine,” Shouyou said.

“You… don’t look fine,” His father leaned forward. “You know you can talk to me if anything is bothering you, right?”

Shouyou made a noise of agreement and turned his head to look out the window, “I don’t like it here. I want to go home.”

His father reached out to squeeze his leg and Shouyou fought off the urge to pull away, “We’re all homesick, buddy. You’re doing so good here though, it’s not too much longer.”

“No, you don’t-” Shouyou turned to him, frustrated. “You don’t understand. I  _ really _ don’t like it here. It - my doctor, I -” He sighed. “It hurts.”

His father frowned. “It’ll get better.”

Shouyou felt like such a failure. It sucked. He turned and looked out the window again and ignored his dad when he tried to talk to him. Eventually his dad gave up and said goodbye, giving his shoulder a squeeze and leaving. Shouyou barely noticed.

At some point James and Laura came in, James sitting on the couch and Laura sitting on the arm of Shouyou’s chair. Laura knew what was going on, she was very intuitive. She lightly placed her hand on Shouyou’s back and he found himself not minding the feminine touch. She said something and James translated.

“Are you okay?”

Shouyou shook his head. “No. I’m not.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

The beginning of week three, month five was when Shouyou had had enough. He could barely get out of bed that day, knowing he had another session with Gatley. He didn’t bother taking a shower that morning, knowing he would want one that evening. After everything.

James tried to keep him happy, making funny faces and cracking jokes. He teased Laura, flicking her hair or stealing her food, trying to get a smile out of Shouyou. No matter how much Shouyou detached himself, he was grateful that James was trying. It helped, even if he didn’t show it. 

He had a mental therapy session before lunch that day, but he didn’t talk much during it and accidently snapped at Anna when she tried to coax him into talking. After a lunch he barely ate, he found his hands shaking again and his stomach twisting because of how much he  _ didn’t want this session _ .

“Ready to go?” Anna asked him with a smile.

“No,” He said with a sigh. James grabbed his hand under the table and squeezed. “I don’t want to.”

Anna sighed but kept the smile. “Oh, Shouyou. Come on,” She took his elbow and lead him to stand up. She draped an arm across his shoulders and guided him away from the table (towards what she didn’t know was destroying him bit by bit). He took a last glance over his shoulder at Laura and James before they left the room.

Laura gave him a steady gaze, but look on James’ face was one he’d never seen before. A sort of wistful sadness or longing.

He was lead to Gatley’s room and Anna brought him inside, happily greeted Gatley and left. Shouyou knew what was going to happen, there was a routine by now. Gatley didn’t even pretend. The first half hour was a nightmare, then the last half hour was Gatley pretending nothing happened while Shouyou was lead through his stretches.

But something was different this time.

Gatley locked the door while Shouyou stood, staring at the ground with his hands in fists. Instead of Gatley shoving him onto the couch like he expected, he was spun and shoved against the wall with a grunt and causing his ribs to spike with pain. Gatley’s lips were on his neck, one hand working at the button on his jeans and the other holding his wrist against the wall.

He was being rougher than he usually was; biting down below his collarbone, yanking Shouyou’s shirt up and behind his head so his arms were stuck above his head again. Gatley used his now free hand to roughly grip Shouyou’s hip, keeping him in place while he used his teeth to undo Shouyou’s jeans.

Shouyou knew he would be in less pain if he didn’t fight, but that didn’t stop him from trying to jerk away or begging him to stop. Gatley’s nail raked down his back before his jeans were yanked down enough to show his boxers and -  _ they had never gone this far before _ .

“W-wait -” Shouyou tried, but was slammed against the wall again. The cool air hit his dick as his boxers were pushed down, and he gasped, throwing his head back so hard it hit the wall with a  _ thud _ . Then there was heat, so much  _ heat _ around his length - his eyes widened and he panted, struggling to get his arms out of his shirt. Once he did, his shirt fell to the floor and he reached down, yanking at Gatley’s hair, trying to pull his head away but he was shaking too hard to get a grip and Gatley’s nails were digging into his back.

Shouyou moaned when he felt Gatley’s tongue slide up the underside of his length, then felt like throwing up because of it. He panted, his legs shaking, his face turning red in embarrassment. Why was he reacting? He hated this so much, it was disgusting, he wanted it to  _ stop _ .

“You’re such a whore,” Gatley mumbled.

“P- please. Stop - I… I can’t,” He felt bile rise in his throat and tears spill from his eyes. His hips jerked involuntarily and he convulsed, his legs almost sliding out from under him. Gatley gripped Shouyou’s right thigh and lifted him so his prosthetic leg was over Gatley’s shoulder and the man’s arm wrapped under his thigh and dug his fingers into Shouyou’s hip.

“Hah… I’m gonna… no - st-” Shouyou’s head whipped back again as he felt himself shudder a release, his face red, his blood cold and he wanted to throw up. His head was spinning as Gatley pulled away from him and he slipped to the floor, breathing hard and dazed.

“Get up.”

Shouyou’s leg hurt and he was sick to his stomach. Gatley’s knee came out of nowhere, slamming into his shoulder and causing his head to crack off the wall again. He hissed in pain, and was lifted up by a hand gripping hard at his shoulder. 

“I have work to do, so get out.”

More than glad to be let out early, Shouyou stumbled towards the door, pulling his shirt back on and zipping up his jeans. His head pounded and once he was out of the office he ran through the halls, ignoring the pain in his hip and thigh as he made it to his room. He bolted in and slammed the door behind him, slumping against it.

James wasn’t in the room, he had a therapy session right now. Shouyou was kind of glad. He wanted to be alone. 

He got together a change of clothes and walked into the bathroom, turning on the shower and stripping off his clothes. He sat on the edge of the tub and took off his prosthetic, then climbed onto the chair in the shower.

A deep breath shuddered his whole body. His entire groin felt weird, and his shoulder and hip where Gatley had gripped him felt sore. It would probably bruise. He spent a few minutes just staring at the white wall across from him, his mind blank. He couldn’t even cry anymore, how sick was that? He couldn’t believe he got off like that. How sick.

Shouyou buried his face in his hands, glad for the distracting feeling for scalding water pounding against his back.

A loud knock on the bathroom door pulled him out of his spiralling thoughts and he sat up, “Yeah?”

“Shouyou, are you okay? You’ve been in there for a while.” James shouted through the door. When had James shown up? The water was getting cold already, he must have been in there longer than he thought.

“I’ll be out soon!” He said back. With a sigh, he began to scrub himself clean. He would never rid himself of the fingers trailing up his skin or the tongue on his stomach, the mouth on his neck… but he could try. If he scrubbed hard enough. His eyes roamed across the shelf and stopped on James’ razor. 

Shouyou picked at his skin, staring at it. Maybe… no. He was so stupid. He turned off the water and climbed out of the shower to dry off. He got dressed, put on his prosthetic and stepped out of the bathroom, looking at the ground. James was in front of him in less than a second.

“Are you all right?” He asked, looking Shouyou up and down. “Your arms… you scrubbed them raw again…” James reached out to take his arm, but Shouyou put his arms behind his back. “You can’t hurt yourself, Shouyou. That’s not going to do anything.”

“I know…” He said quietly. He looked up and caught James’ eyes. “I need to get out of here.”

James searched Shouyou’s eyes, his lips pursed, “Yeah. Me too.”

“Let’s leave,” Shouyou said. He didn’t care anymore, he wanted to get away from here. It was disgusting and claustrophobic and nobody  _ listened  _ to him. “Let’s go. Right now.”

“Shou…” James frowned. “We can’t.”

“Why not?” Shouyou said. “Let grab Laura, she hates this place too, and sneak out. Tonight. Even if we get caught, maybe someone will realize that something's fucking  _ wrong _ .” 

James ran a hand through his hair and bit his lip, then slowly started nodding. “Okay. Okay, let’s do this. We’ll leave. Tonight.”

“Good,” Shouyou said. “Let’s go find Laura and tell her.”

 

* * *

 

It was nighttime, the lights were out and most everyone in the building was probably asleep. Expect for three kids.

“Shou, you awake?” James whispered through the darkness.

“Yeah,” Shouyou responded, shuffling to sit up. “What time is it?”

He saw James’ shadow move around, then his phone lit up, illuminating his face, “Just after one am. Laura should be waiting for us.”

“Let’s go,” Shouyou said, flipping his blankets off. He was still dressed, he just had to put on his prosthetic. Once he was done, he helped James put his arm prosthetic on then they picked up their bags and crept out of the room. Shouyou closed the door quietly, and they walked down the dark hall in silence, looking out for anyone who might be awake for some reason.

“My heart’s beating so fast,” Shouyou said. “I already feel like we’ve left.”

“That’s  _ voorpret _ ,” James said quietly.

“What language?”

“Dutch. It means pre-fun. The excitement before a party or an adventure.”

They walked into the lounge together, the only light was from the outside street lamps gleaming through the windows. James grunted when he walked into the edge of a table accidently and Shouyou slapped his shoulder. Laura stood looking out the window with a bag over her shoulder and turned to see them. She grinned and waved, then beckoned them to the window.

She whispered something and James translated, “Ready?”

Shouyou nodded and James gave a thumbs up. Laura reached across the half-bookshelf and pushed up the window. Shouyou leaned over to help her push out the screen, then they all threw their bags out and into the grass. Laura jumped up so she was sitting on the shelf, spun around and dropped out, then turned back to face them.

James translated her, “It’s a farther drop than you’d expect so be careful with your leg.”

Nodding, Shouyou copied her movements and dropped out of the window, wincing at the jolt of pain that shot up his hip. James followed, then they closed the window and replaced the screen.

Shouyou picked up his bag and took a deep breath. The cool air felt nice on his face, it was great to be outside. Even if he was running away.

“Nobody brought any electronics, right?” James asked in Japanese, then in English. Laura and Shouyou shook their heads. He had left his phone in his room. James nodded, “Okay, good. I only have a portable CD player. I also have cash.”

Laura said something and motioned for them to follow. They ran across the yard and toward the street, where city lights and cars were passing all around. They crossed the street and into the populated part of the city. It was surprising how many cars were still on the road, and how many young people were still roaming about the streets.

Shouyou watched with wide eyes; all the people moving in and out of stores, flagging down cars, talking and laughing. They were so carefree, it was amazing. Laura started to giggle, then broke out in a full laugh, causing James and Shouyou to laugh too.

James whooped and jumped up, then ran down the sidewalk, Laura and Shouyou chasing after him, laughing and playfully shoving into each other. 

“Where should we go?” James asked.

“Anywhere!” Shouyou responded. Laura shouted something gleefully that sounded similar. James laughed ruffled Shouyou’s hair, then playfully tugged on Laura’s.

Shouyou lost track of how long they just messed around on the streets, getting lost farther and farther into the city, but he loved every second of it - he loved being distracted and feeling so carefree. He didn’t even feel bad for leaving. He was happy.

At some point they ended up in a quieter part of the city with less traffic and barely any people walking around. The streetlamps were more spread out and the house’s lights were off. The chatter of the city was a low murmur in the distance. Shouyou found himself yawning every few minutes and he kept tripping over his feet. 

“I guess we should find someplace to sleep…” James said, noticing that Shouyou was lagging behind.

Laura asked something but Shouyou wasn’t paying attention to the translation, he was busy yawning again. 

“What about there?” James asked, pointing across the road. Shouyou and Laura looked up to see a closed down five story high hotel. Most of the windows were broken and sealed off with planks of wood. The door had a thick chain and a rusted padlock on it, and the outside brick walls were covered in graffiti and moss.

“Perfect,” Shouyou grinned. Laura did too, and swung an arm over his shoulder, tugging him across the road. They searched around the ground floor for windows that might be open and James eventually found one without a lock and forced it open. 

“Come on,” He said, ducking under the window and into the building. He coughed, waving his hand in front of his face. “It’s dusty. Watch your head.”

Laura followed him in, and then Shouyou, who asked, “Flashlight?”

James asked Laura and she pulled one out of her bag then flicked it on, shining it around the room. They were in the lobby of the hotel it looked like. There was dust on broken tables and chairs, cobwebs everywhere, broken lamps and a hallway the lead off to another part of the hotel.

“Wow, this is cool,” Shouyou whispered.

“Why are you whispering?” James laughed. “Come on, let’s find a room!”

The three raced each other up the stairs, shoving playfully and jumping over broken furniture. They went all the way to the top level of the hotel and found the biggest room that was in the building. There were two huge beds, and they pulled another one in from the room across the hall, pushing all three together. 

Everything was still dusty, so they opened the windows in the room and balled up the sheets and blankets so they could beat the dust out of the mattresses. They all ended up coughing and laughing, but eventually collapsed onto the mattresses.

Shouyou didn’t remember falling asleep, but when he woke up he freaked the hell out before remembering what happened and jumped up. Laura was already awake, digging in her bag and James was sprawled out on his mattress snoring. Shouyou crawled over and shook him awake, then stepped over him and looked out the window.

It was probably past noon judging by the life on the roads and the height of the sun.

James yawned loudly and Shouyou turned around to see him rubbing his eyes, “I’m starving.”

Laura threw a wad of cash at James’ head, which he slipped into his pocket. Shouyou felt bad that he didn’t have any money to contribute, but James’ waved him off saying it was fine.

“Let’s leave our bags here or we’ll look like runaways,” Laura said and James translated.

“We are runaways,” Shouyou pointed out, pulling his pant leg over his prosthetic. James burst out laughing and Laura threw one of the dusty pillows at him. “Let’s go find food.”

“Wait, cover your hair,” James said, picking up the black beanie and handing it to Shouyou. “They’re probably looking for us already, and your hair is easy to spot.”

James told Laura the same thing and while Shouyou tucked his hair up into the beanie, Laura put hers in a braid and pulled her hood up. James took his piercings out and brushed his hair back off his face. They left through the back of the building, away from the streets, then slowly merged with the people walking around.

There were so many people moving around that Shouyou kept getting bumped into and shoved around. People were pushing through the crowds and there were hands everywhere,  _ just like Gatley, trailing his hands down Shouyou’s legs and arms and biting his neck, trailing down to him- _

“Shou. Shou,” James’ voice cut through his thoughts and Shouyou looked up with wide eyes. He was breathing hard and James looked worried. James put an arm around Shouyou and lead him away from the bulk of the crowd, Laura following. “You’re okay. Just breathe.”

They stepped into the shade of a building, people bustling past them but out of the way now.

“I’m -” Shouyou swallowed hard. He could feel his heart thumping quickly in his chest, powerful and uncontrollable. “I’m okay.”

“I know,” James said with a soft smile. “Just breathe.”

Shouyou struggled to take deep breaths until his heartbeat slowed down and breathing was easier. Laura waited patiently with her back against the wall, and James kept a hand on Shouyou’s shoulder the whole time, breathing with him.

“Thank you…” Shouyou whispered. “Thank you so much.”

James smiled, “You don’t need to thank me.”

Shouyou stepped forward, wrapping his arms under James’ and around his torso, desperate for someone help ground him. He felt his own body trembling as he clutched the back of James’ tee shirt and pressed his face into the brunet’s shoulder. James hugged back, just as tightly. Shouyou took one last shuddering breath and let go, stepping back.

Laura put her hand on his shoulder and gave him a thumbs up.

“You good now?” James asked. Shouyou nodded and they walked back into the crowd but stuck to the sides. Shouyou noticed James subtly making sure no one got to close to the three of them by sending glares or stepping in people’s way. Shouyou appreciated it a lot, though he didn’t mention it.

They found a convenience store and bought a bunch of cheap food and drinks. Shouyou didn’t know what a lot of the food was until James explained it. Some of the stuff was similar to Japanese food, just with different flavors and the packaging was different. Some stuff he did recognize, like Oreos which James bought for him after he begged and kept poking him.

For the rest of the day, they walked around in the outskirts of the city where it was less busy and they were less likely to be spotted. They avoided talking about the inevitable topic of what they were going to do - they couldn’t stay in that hotel for their whole lives, Shouyou only had a temporary prosthetic that wouldn’t last forever and only spoke Japanese, Laura wasn’t from around here and had medication she was supposed to be taking, and they had limited cash. But for now, they just enjoyed their freedom.

It was starting to get dark when Laura spotted a police car driving down the street and they ducked down an alleyway to avoid being seen. They almost got lost trying to make their way back to the hotel through only back streets and dark alleys.

Once they were back into the hotel, all breathlessly giggling, they chased each other around and up onto the roof, where they ended up sitting together, faces turned up to the sky.

“We could get in so much trouble doing this,” James said. Shouyou didn’t care.

“I’ve never seen the sky so clear before,” Laura said, and James repeated it to Shouyou. The sky  _ was _ particularly clear that night, the stars glistening and the clear night more of a dark blue than a black.

The dark blue sky suddenly pulled an image of Kageyama into the back of Shouyou’s mind, and he felt his face get hot. He purposely tilted his head away from his friends so they wouldn’t see, and he wondered if Kageyama would think the sky was beautiful right now too.

James tapped him and Shouyou turned back to see him holding out an earbud. Shouyou stuck it in his ear and James put his other in his own, then hit play on his CD player. The sound of a guitar flowed through the earpiece.

 

_ People are puppets held together with sting, _

_ There’s a beautiful sadness that runs through him. _

_ As he asked me to pray to the God he doesn’t believe in. _

 

“Are you okay, Shou?” James asked.

“Yeah,” He nodded. “You’re always so concerned for me. Why is that?”

James lay back on with his arm folded behind his head, “I want you to be happy.”

 

_ Time and again boys are raised to be men, _

_ Impatient they start _

_ Fearful they end… _

 

“Why?”

James gave him an incredulous look, “Don’t you  _ want _ to be happy?”

“Of course, I just mean - I don’t know, I don’t think I deserve your compassion.”

 

_ But he was a man mourning tomorrow, _

_ He drank, but finally drown in his sorrows. _

_ He could not break surface tension, _

_ He looked in the wrong place for redemption. _

 

“ _ Mundita _ ,” James said, sitting up and draping his arm over his knee, “Is Sanskirt for taking delight in the happiness of others. It’s my favorite.”

Shouyou snorted, “You’re so clique.”

 

_ Don’t look at me with those eyes, _

_ I tried to unheave the ties _

_ Turn back the time that drew him _

 

James grinned at him and stuck his tongue out. “ _ I’m _ clique? Look who's talking, mr I’m-in-love-with-my-high-school-rival.”

“Stop!” Shouyou laughed, pushing him on the shoulder.

James laughed too and laid back again, “Hey, you know it’s true.”

 

_ But he couldn’t be saved, _

_ A sadness runs through him. _

 

Maybe it was.

 

* * *

 

They made it another full day and night without getting caught, but when they were leaving the hotel the third morning, they weren’t paying enough attention and a police car stopped right near them. They panicked as the cop got out and bolted in different directions which was probably the worst thing they could have done.

Laura was the first to get caught, her legs weren’t built for distance running and one of them locked up, causing her to crash to the ground. Shouyou was caught next because his thigh was in so much burning pain that his gave out and the cop chasing after him grabbed him before he could get up again. He didn’t know how James was caught, but next thing he knew he was manhandled into the back of a patrol car next to both of his friends and they were brought to a station where they waited to be brought back to the therapy center.

The cop who grabbed Shouyou had grabbed him too hard and left a red mark on his wrist, which pissed James off despite his own scraped up knees from where he fell on the pavement. James kept shouting at the cops in English, and Laura was trying to get him to stop. At some point one of the police shouted something back and forced him to sit back down and wait.

Shouyou was breathing hard again, his heart thumping. What would his parents think? They would be so disappointed, so mad. His hands were shaking at the thought. Would they take away his prosthetic? He didn’t want to feel useless again. What if they required him to have more therapy time? He couldn’t deal with that - he wouldn’t. He would run away again.

“Hey, listen,” James said suddenly, putting his hand on Shouyou’s shoulder and turning him towards James. “Whatever happens, you’ll be fine, okay?”

Shouyou nodded with wide eyes. How could he be fine? They were sending them back to that  _ sick _ place. James didn’t seem worried, more pissed off than anything.

Each of their parents showed up after not long, Laura’s mom and dad hugged her tightly and left quickly, her mom crying while Laura just looked exasperated. James’ dad showed up and pulled him away, yelling at him and James yelling back.

When Shouyou’s mom and dad showed up he was too ashamed to even look at them, so he kept his eyes on the floor and refused to speak for fear of breaking down crying like his mom was. He stayed in the chair while his mom wrapped her arms around him tightly, stroking the hair on the back of his head and asking him why he would do something like this.

Natsu stood holding their dad’s hand, looking confused and scared, while their dad stood pensive, watching Shouyou with an unreadable expression.

He felt detached as he was ushered into the car and driven back to the therapy center. His mom and dad brought him into a room with Sasha, Anna and Thompson where everyone was asking him questions he didn’t want to answer and discussing what they were going to do next. 

“Shouyou, why did you do this?” His dad asked at some point.

Why? He didn’t even  _ know why _ . They wouldn’t understand why. He didn’t respond, instead drawing his leg up onto the chair and resting his cheek on his knee.

“Please talk to us, honey,” His mom said, reach out and putting a hand on his shoulder. He jerked away, shrugging her off and she dropped her hand.

Thompson continued talking and Anna translated, “You’re going to have to stay under constant surveillance for the rest of your stay or until we’re sure you won’t do this again. You’re incredibly lucky you didn’t get hurt or damage your prosthetic.

“Because that’s all that matters,” Shouyou mumbled.

“You’re also going to be put in a separate room from James, since you both did this together,” Anna translated.

“Bullshit!” Shouyou shouted, standing up, panic filling his chest. He couldn’t be separated from James, he  _ needed  _ him. James kept him grounded, he was the only one who knew what was going on and the only one who could help him handle it. “You can’t do that!”

“Shouyou!” His father snapped. Shouyou whipped his head around and glared at his dad, then sunk down into the chair again, his muscles tense. He clenched and unclenched his shaking hands. This was stupid.

Anna was talking to Thompson and Sasha, Thompson nodded and had Anna translate, “You can still see James, you’ll just be monitored and have limited time with him. You’ll have less free time, and for a little while you’ll have an escort.”

“This sucks.” Shouyu crossed his arms.

“Maybe you should have thought about that before you ran away  _ into the city _ ,” His dad practically shouted, gesturing in the direction of the city.

“Maybe if you listened when I said I hate it here, I wouldn’t have run away!” Shouyou shouted back.

His father stood up and left the room, slamming the door behind him. Shouyou looked over at his mom and she said, “Don’t raise your voice at your father.”

Shouyou fell back against this chair with a huff, “Un- _ fucking _ -believable.”

“Watch your mouth,” She warned.

He didn’t even care. This was all so stupid.

Shouyou’s stuff was moved into a smaller room and an orderly was assigned to stand outside of his door at night. He just wanted to go home. 

That night he barely slept. Nightmares of hands and lips and being chased plagued him. He woke up in a cold sweat more than once, and ended up giving up on trying to sleep around three in the morning. 

He didn’t get out of bed in the morning and eventually Anna gave up trying to get him up and called in his mom. She came in the room and Shouyou sighed, pulling his blanket over his head. His bed dipped as she sat down on the edge of it and pulled his blanket off his head.

“You can’t just stay in here all day,” She said, brushing her fingers through his hair. He yanked his head away and turned over. She sighed, “I know you miss home, but acting out isn’t going to get you home sooner, it will just make your treatment last longer.”

Shouyou didn’t say anything.

“I got a letter from your volleyball team. They’re all worried, since you haven't written them in a while.”

He felt his heart clench, and he squeezed his eyes shut. How could he even face them when he went back? What would he say?

“I’m going to write them back for you and tell them you’re okay. If you get out of bed, you can see James in the lounge.” She said. “I’ll be in the building most of the day if you need me, talking with Doctor Thompson and Sasha.”

He still didn’t respond, and eventually she left.

After a few minutes he crawled out of bed and changed, then attached his prosthetic. Tugging on the beanie James gave him, he stepped out of the room and rolled his eyes upon seeing the orderly. 

The guy put his arm out stopping Shouyou from going the opposite direction. He knew the guy didn’t speak Japanese, so he just followed him toward the lounge where James sat on the couch near a window. He looked up when Shouyou sat down next to him, his eyes lighting up.

“You’re okay! I was afraid they’d transfer you too,” James said.

“Too?” Shouyou’s brow furrowed.

James sighed, “Yeah, Laura’s parents were so mad they she left without them knowing, that they transferred her somewhere else. She only had a week or two left of therapy anyways.”

“Oh…” Shouyou looked down at his lap. They hadn’t known each other long, but he’d miss her. It sucked that he couldn’t say goodbye. 

“I’m sorry,” James said quietly, pretzel crossing his legs on the cushion.

“What? Why are you sorry?”

James frowned brushing his brown hair out of his face. “I got you got in trouble and now we can’t see each other often.”

“What? James, no, I’m the one that convinced you to sneak out with me. It’s my fault we’re separated and you got in trouble and Laura had to go home.” Shouyou said. It really was his fault. He was such a fuck-up. How could anyone stand to be around him?

James sighed and turned his whole body and Shouyou copied him, James’ human knees almost touching Shouyou’s mechanical and human ones. “It’s not your fault Shouyou.”

He was only saying that so Shouyou wouldn’t feel bad. There must be something wrong with Shouyou, how do people even like him? Shouyou looked away from him and down at the floor. He picked at the skin on his arms until James gripped both of his wrists, and forced him to look up.

“You’re a really good person, Shou,” James said. “I’m not, and I know that. I want you to know that you  _ are _ good, okay?”

“Why would you say that?” Shouyou asked. “Why do you think you’re not?”

James laughed half-heartedly. “I guess I’m nice to other people, but I’m not nice to myself.”

Shouyou searched James’ eyes; they were sad and distant. His eyes flicked down to James’ hands where they gripped his own tightly. They were shaking.

“Are you okay?” Shouyou asked, looking back up.

“No,” James said with a tight smile. “I haven’t been for a while.”

“Will you be?”

“Eventually.”

Anna interrupted them by walking over and putting a hand on Shouyou’s shoulder. James pulled his hands back and Shouyou shrugged Anna’s arm off. “You have a session with Doctor Gatley you need to go to.”

“Can I skip it?” Shouyou asked quietly.

Anna laughed, “No, come on,” She gestured for him to get up and he did, slowly moving off the couch. James stayed crossed legged, looking down at his lap. He didn’t want to leave James alone, but Anna put a hand on his back and guided him out of the lounge. He looked back in time to see the orderly getting James to stand up.

He was guided through the halls, feeling hollow and detached.

The door to Gatley’s room was opened and Anna gestured him inside then closed the door. Gatley sat at his desk typing on his computer. He didn’t react to Shouyou entering the room, so he just sat down on the couch and tried to find somewhere in his mind to hide. To block out emotions or senses, or something. Anything to avoid facing reality. 

Shouyou lost track of how long he sat there, instead counting each breath until he heard Gatley’s shoes walking across the room, the click of the door lock, then Gatley walking over to him. He tried to ignore it as he was lifted by the shoulder and forced to his knees on the floor.

Gatley unbuckled his own belt and grabbed Shouyou by the hair, keeping his face level with Gatley’s pelvis. “If you bite me, I’ll break your arm and say you did it to yourself.”

Shouyou gagged as Gatley thrust into his mouth. He squeezed his eyes shut and pressed his hands against the front of Gatley’s hips, trying to make him slow down because  _ it hurt _ . The painful grip in his hair held his face in place and his knee throbbed from where it slammed into the floor.

He could barely breathe, and he squirmed trying to pull away, but Gatley held him still. Shouyou gagged when Gatley shuddered and released into his mouth. He pulled away and Shouyou fell to the side, coughing and gagging, trying to get the disgusting taste out of his mouth. He spit on the floor and Gatley slapped him, then lifted him up by the collar of his shirt and shoved him against the wall.

A hand wrapped around his neck, forcing him to stay still against the wall and he was lifted up, his legs around the man’s waist.

It went on for longer that time than it had ever before, almost the whole hour. Shouyou tried not to cry this time, he hated showing how much it affected him but he did. When Gatley was finally done with him he was left on the floor panting and sobbing, his shirt and prosthetic across the room, his chest bruised and red, bite marks on his hips, scratches down his back and his pants undone.

Shouyou struggled to get his prosthetic back on, buttoned up his pants and pulled on his shirt and hat. He stood and walked over to the door, hoping that Gatley would just let him leave.

“You can’t leave on your own,” Gatley said, walking over to him. Shouyou tensed when his hand landed on Shouyou’s lower back. Gatley led him from the room saying, “If you don’t have an escort, I have to bring you to your room.”

Shouyou felt his stomach turning and his face red hot but he kept his eyes trained on the floor, every nerve in his skin, every molecule, aware of Gatley’s hand on his lower back. They walked down the empty hallway and the hand moved from his back to grope at his ass, but he did his best to ignore it, counting every step to his room.

Gatley’s hand moved up to his shoulder when they approached his door, where the orderly was waiting for him. Gatley spoke cheerfully to the man in English, then turned to Shouyou.

“You mother and father wanted to talk to you, but they are in a meeting with Thompson currently, so they’ll be here in a bit.”

Shouyou nodded, not looking up from the floor. He was let into his room and he shut the door behind him, wishing there was a lock. He brushed his teeth a few times in the adjoining bathroom, and contemplated showering now, but knew if he did, he’d still be in there when his parents came in. His skin was still crawling and he felt nasty.

He sat cross legged on the bed with his back against the headboard and picked his phone up off the nightstand. Shouyou didn’t have service in America so he hadn’t used it much at all, but he unlocked it now and scrolled through some of his old messages to random teammates.

It made his gut twist to think about them, he missed them all so much. He opened the last conversation he had with Kageyama through text, which was right before the accident. He smiled wistfully at the insults they threw at each other jokingly and the constant stream of messages from Shouyou telling Kageyama to hurry up. He scrolled all the way through until he got to the last one.

_ I’m here. _

Kageyama had sent that when he waiting outside of the school for Shouyou so they could walk home together, minutes before the accident. Shouyou wondered if he could go back, would he stop what had happened? He would have never met James, but he also would never have to deal with this place.

There was a knock on his door before it opened and both his parents stepped in. He kept his eyes trained on his phone, not really looking at anything but not wanting to look up either. His mom sat on the end of the bed and his dad stayed standing, his hands in his pockets.

“Shouyou...” His mom said. “Can you talk to us?”

“About what?” He scoffed.

“Why did you leave?”

Shouyou clenched his phone tightly and looked up, “I’ve told you! I don’t like it here, I want to go home!”

“I know you’re homesick, honey,” She said, reaching out to take his hand.

He pulled his hand out of her reach and moved farther back, “No! You don’t understand! The people here - they, I don’t, I don’t like them!” Why couldn’t he just tell her! He was such a coward. He sighed, frustrated, “They - what they do  _ hurts _ .”

She gave him a sympathetic look, “It’s your muscles, sweetheart, all the exercise is good for you though.”

“No! Ugh!” Shouyou shut his eyes and tugged his hair, “You don’t fucking get it!”

“Watch your mouth,” His father warned.

“Yeah, because that’s what’s important,” Shouyou said sarcastically.

“Please, Shouyou, just explain it to us,” His mother begged of him.

He wanted to scream, but he didn’t. “I can’t.”

She sighed and Shouyou looked away from both of them. It was silent for a minute and Shouyou just wanted them to leave so he could go take a shower and scrub himself until his skin turned pink again.

“If you don’t want to talk, fine,” His mom said, and he rolled his eyes. “We just want you to know that your permanent prosthetic is coming in and you’ll have it in two or so days.”

His father injected, “You can only keep it if you finish your therapy without a hitch and we may be able to go home in less than a month.”

Shouyou felt his chest swell and his eyes widen. He could go home? Less than a month, and he could finally,  _ finally _ , go home? He had lost track of the days, but he knew he was somewhere towards the end of the fifth month - five months too many. But finally!  _ Finally _ he would leave this place.

“When?” He asked quietly.

“We’re thinking just after your birthday,” His mother said.

About three weeks and he could go home, then. Three weeks and he’d be able to escape that pervert, go back his own house, see his friends, go his school,  _ play volleyball _ and - his finger curled around his phone.

_ I’m here. _

He’d be able to see Kageyama again.

Shouyou could do this. He could pull himself together for just a little bit longer, deal with Gatley for a few more weeks. He had already put up with it for months, just a little bit longer and he’d be free.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song James and Shouyou listen to together is A Sadness Runs Through Him by The Hoosiers. I really recommend listening to it.
> 
> Also this "short pre-quel" might turn out to be almost as long as the original story in page numbers. Hahaha, what the heck?? This story is 44 pages long right now, and TTIDFY was 76.
> 
> This whole AU just turned out to be bigger than expected I guess?


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops sorry I didn't update for a week! I've been super stressed/upset lately because two of my friends and I spent four+ months developing a video game to compete in SkillsUSA and our game placed 4th in the state so we don't get to go to nationals (✖╭╮✖) Which really sucks - we worked so hard! Since we were so focused on the video game I fell a bit behind in school, too. I'm all caught up now though, so back to writing!
> 
> There is a scene in this chapter that I'm worried some of you won't like... When you get to it, you'll know what it is, but if you don't know, then that means its fine. 
> 
> NON-CON WARNING FOR THIS CHAPTER.

“I know you’re going home soon,”said James quietly, looking out the window to his left. They were allowed to talk in the lounge again before Shouyou had a session in the gym with Thompson.

“I’m sorry,” Shouyou responded, just as quiet.

“Don’t be. I’m glad.”

Shouyou frowned. “I don’t want to leave you. Just this place.”

“I know.” James smiled softly. “But… I get to leave soon too.”

Shouyou’s eyes widened. “Really?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s great!” said Shouyou. “Aren’t you happy?”

James rested his cheek on his fist, looking out the window with a sad look. “I am, I just… I don’t know. I’ll miss you a lot.”

“James…” Shoyou said, his brow furrowing. “Are you going to be okay?”

“I think so,” He shrugged. “Your phone will work in Japan, so we can call and text each other, right?”

“Of course.”

“Good,” James said, turning turn his whole body towards Shouyou, crisscrossing his legs on the couch cushion. “Hey listen… Are you going to be okay? You know, up here,” James tapped Shouyou’s temple with his index finger.

“Um,” Shouyou glanced away awkwardly. “I - I think so. Going home will help. Being with my other friends.”

James smiled sadly. “Yeah, me too. I don’t live too far from here actually. But it will be nice to leave. Also - um, if… if things are looking bad. Just - don’t do anything stupid. To yourself. Call me instead.”

“I know. I wouldn’t do anything to hurt myself,” Shouyou frowned, searching James’ face. “Would you?”

James’ eyes flicked away quickly and Shouyou glanced down at James’ arm. The brunet tugged the end of his sleeve down, quickly covering his skin. He waited until James’ eyes roamed back up to his. There was something hidden in the brown pools of emotion, something far-off and indefinable that Shouyou had never seen before. It was intense and beautiful. He wondered if James saw something similar in his eyes, or if he felt the connection Shouyou felt, tugging at his chest.

James put his hands on the cushion and leaned forward on them, towards Shouyou. He didn’t look away from James’ eyes and he found himself leaning forward too. James closed the distance between them, his lips gently pressing against Shouyou’s. It barely lasted a few seconds before James pulled away. So maybe this was something James needed and Shouyou would never tell him that he might have pictured it was Kageyama’s lips instead.

Shouyou eyes flicked from James’ lips to his eyes. He was looking away towards the floor, his face red. Shouyou had never seen him blush before. 

“That felt weird,” James said after a few seconds, finally looking back up.

“Yeah,” Shouyou said, then began to giggle. James smiled, then started to laugh too, and they were both dissolving into a fit of embarrassed laughter.

“I’m sorry,” James said, when he finally stopped laughing, but a smile lingered on his face. “I just wanted to see if I felt anything. I don’t know. You’re - you’re an interesting person.”

Shouyou scrunched up his nose and smiled, “It’s okay. It didn’t bother me.”

“It felt too weird, anyways,” James laughed. “Too brotherly.”

Shouyou smiled and held his hand out to James, who took it and laced their fingers together, squeezing tightly. 

“If you ever need me, though, I’m here,” Shouyou said, squeezing his hand back.

“Right back at you.”

 

* * *

 

 

 

“I got a letter from Kageyama-kun,” His mother said, handing the envelope to him. He didn’t take it so she set it on the table and sighed, looking at Shouyou’s father.

They were supposed to be having a consultation with Thompson, Sasha and Anna before he got his final prosthetic, but he just got out of a session with Gatley and was trying to focus on not crying or feeling hands all over his skin. His father seemed pissed off that he wasn’t really talking, but Shoyou didn’t care, he just wanted this to be over so he could go take a shower.

His parents continued their conversation with Thompson through Anna but Shouyou didn’t really listen. He just kept his breathing steady and counted his heartbeats until his mom finally signed the last legal document, and Anna said he could put on his new leg.

It was already in the room but he hadn’t seen it until they handed it to his father. It was black, and had an exoskeleton around the pylon shaft, up to the joint. It had already been explained to him that it had adjustable suspension for when he played volleyball, and the exoskeleton would help absorb shock. He moved through the motions of taking off the tan temporary prosthetic and took the new one in his hands.

This one fit on a bit differently, so it took him longer to put on and he waved away the hands that tried to help. He wanted to do it himself. Once it was on correctly, he put a hand on the table and slowly stood up, only to have the suspension give in and almost fall to the side. He sat back down, frustrated, while Thompson and Anna explained how to adjust it for running, walking, playing volleyball and everything else.

Once he was comfortable with the resistance, he stood up again. He could already tell the quality of this one was better, stronger and built for  _ him _ . He bounced a bit, testing the suspension and it worked similar to the muscle in his left leg.

“What do you think?” His mom asked.

“It feels great. Smoother. Like it’s part of me,” said Shouyou. This one was much more comfortable than the other one, he could see himself wearing it for longer periods of time, and running with it and playing volleyball and working out. Finally.

“That’s great!” His mom grinned. “One more week and we can finally go home, Shouyou.”

One more week. He couldn’t wait.

Later, he read Kageyama’s letter. Apparently, his mother told his whole team that he ran away (which was embarrassing enough) and now everyone was worried about him. Great. Kageyama asked what was going on with him, and had his own weird way of trying to comfort Shouyou by reminding him that he’d be coming home soon. It was kind of nice, hearing that Kageyama was worried.

He even said that if Shouyou needed him, he was always there to talk, or even any of the others. While Shouyou appreciated it, he didn’t really want to tell any of them what was going on. They’d probably think he was dirty or weak for not standing up to Gatley.

Shouyou ended up not knowing what to write, so his mom wrote the response instead, saying they would be coming home within a week. Hearing it again just made him more hopeful.

 

* * *

 

 

A day later, Shouyou turned seventeen.

It wasn’t anything big, and Shouyou didn’t want it to be a big deal anyways, but somehow James found out about it and seemed insanely shocked because he apparently thought Shouyou was a lot younger than that.

After his parents left the center (after spending a pointless two hours with him and wishing him a happy birthday), him and James sat together in the lounge again. They wanted to sit outside since that’s where most of the kids were - it was so nice out - but the orderlies wouldn’t let them. Stupid.

James leaned back in his chair, balancing on the back legs and holding the table with his hand. “I just can’t believe you’re seventeen. I honestly thought you were fourteen or fifteen.”

Shouyou laughed, “Seriously?”

“Yeah! You’re so small, I dunno… I just didn’t think you were so close to my age.”

“Close…? Wait, how old are you?” Shouyou asked. Why didn’t he already know this?

James gave him a questioning look, “I’m almost nineteen, did I not tell you?”

Shouyou spluttered, his mouth hanging open and eyes wide, “Wha-! You’re eightteen? How the hell did I not know that?”

“How old did you think-”

“Wait, wait -” Shouyou interrupted. “Are you telling me, that, you  _ kissed me _ thinking I was  _ fourteen _ ?”

James laughed at the shocked look on Shouyou’s face, “No! No, ha ha, maybe not that young. That’s not  _ why _ I kissed you anyways.”

Shouyou just laughed, shaking his head.

“I wish you would have told me your birthday was coming up,” said James, dropping his chair back to all four legs. “I could have gotten you something.”

“I wouldn’t have want you to,” Shouyou shrugged. “You’ve already done so much.”

“Hm…” James’ eyes drifted around the room, then lit up when they fell on his bright orange hair. “I just had a great idea!”

“What?”

“I’m not sure if it will work yet, but at curfew don’t go to bed. Stay awake until… like midnight,” said James, with a mischievous grin.

Shouyou raised an eyebrow, “Okay…” He had no idea what James was planning, but knowing him, it’d definitely be something interesting.

That night he climbed into bed and turned the lights off, but then passed the time playing games on his phone and scrolling through old pictures. Seeing pictures of the team, or one taken at his house made him feel nostalgic, and a nervousness filled his stomach. Only a few more days, and he’d be able to see his friends; his home.

He came across a picture of him and Nishinoya, and noticed he accidently captured Sugawara and Daichi in the background. Suga was laughing about something, his head thrown back and his eyes shut and Daichi was staring at him with a lovesick expression and a soft smile. Shouyou smiled a bit; how had he never noticed that?

He made sure to pay closer attention the the background of the other pictures, trying to spot other things he may have missed. Shouyou found one where he had taken a picture of Ennoshita and Suga sticking their tongues out, and in the background on the other side of the court Tanaka was clearly adjusting himself in his shorts. He laughed at that, then quickly quieted to not make too much noise, still smiling.

There was one of Asahi spiking, and in the background Tsukishima was fondly ruffling Yamaguchi’s hair. How cute. He briefly wondered if it was worth using as blackmail, but decided against it.

Eventually he came to one he took of Kageyama. The setter was holding a volleyball, looking off to the side - the picture was obviously taken without Kageyama knowing. His eyes were focused and determined, but his face content, and lips quirked up ever so slightly. Hinata smiled, and felt his heart thumping in his chest just a little bit faster. 

A soft knock on his door drew his eyes away from the photo. He checked the time quickly; it was just before midnight. Shouyou leaned over the side of his bed and grabbed the crutch he had been given since he didn’t use a wheelchair anymore. He made his way to the door and opened it to see James grinning in the darkness of the hallway.

“Where are the orderlies?” Shouyou whispered, looking up and down the empty hall.

James moved past him into the room and shut the door, “They’re lying when they say the orderlies stand guard the whole night. They leave around 23:00 and come back in the morning around 5:00.”

“How do you know?”

“I listened for it a few nights ago. It’s the same everyday,” He shrugged, walking towards Shouyou’s bed, then sitting on it and swinging his legs. Shoyou noticed he had a small box in his hand.

“What’s that?”

“Oh yeah,” James held it up proudly. “How’s this for a birthday present?”

Shouyou leaned forward, squinting at it in the dark. It was a box of hair dye.

“Where did you get that?”

“That is for me to know and you too not find out,” James said, popping the top open with one hand, holding the box in his prosthetic hand. “So, do you want to dye your hair? We don’t have to do your whole head.”

“I’ve never dyed my hair before.”

James shrugged, “That’s okay.”

Shouyou twisted his lip piercing between his fingers, “What if my mom and dad get mad?”

“Dude it’s your hair,” James laughed. “I won’t make you do it or anything, but decided what  _ you _ want, not what your parents want, okay?”

Shouyou nodded slowly, then faster. “Yeah. yeah okay, let's do it.”

“Great!” James said, jumping up off the bed and moving towards the bathroom. “We’ll do it in the tub, that’s less messy.”

Shouyou laughed at his friend’s excitement and followed him in, leaning his crutch against the wall and sitting on the edge of the tub. “How are you gonna do this with only five controllable fingers?”

James paused and looked up from the box to Shouyou, a thoughtful expression on his face, “Well, between you and me we have a total of three arms, three legs and fifteen fingers so we’ll figure it out.” He went back to pulling out the chemicals from the box and Shouyou laughed.

“Let’s only do the tips of my hair,” Shouyou suggested. “It’s easier to reach and if I decide I don’t like it I can cut it out.”

“Good idea,” said James, handing him one of bottles and a packet of something. “Mix that, but don’t get it on your skin.”

Shouyou go to work on mixing the powder with whatever was in the bottle while James wrapped a towel over Shouyou’s shoulders and put one of the gloves on his hand.

The whole process was messy, full of giggling and confusion but was fun anyways. James kept forgetting that his hand was covered in the dye and almost touched his face a few times, and Shouyou had to grab his arm. Shouyou kept laughing at the look on James’ concentrating face, causing his head to shake and James to whack him on the shoulder.

Eventually they got all the dye in and sat around waiting for it to set, talking about what they were going to do when they got back home. James said he had to repeat his last year of highschool because he missed so much, and Shouyou explained how one school year in Japan was two terms with the summer between them, so he’d still be a first year. James said that make more sense than the way the American system was set up.

Once the dye was set, Shouyou leaned over the tub with the faucet on while James’ helped scrub the extra out of his hair. When they were done, Shouyou roughly rubbed his hair dry and looked in the mirror, then grinned.

“It looks cool!” He said, genuinely happy with the outcome. He was afraid it would look stupid with his orange hair, but if anything it made it look better and made his amber eyes seem brighter.

“Wow, you look good,” James grinned, then yawned. He held up his phone to check the time, “It’s past two in the morning, I should probably head back so he can both sleep.”

Shouyou agreed and they quickly cleaned up the mess. James left, closing the door quietly and Shouyou climbed into his bed with a sigh. He didn’t really care if his parents were mad about his hair, after all, it was his head. He flipped on his side and picked up his phone, unlocking it. The picture of Kageyama was still open.

He wondered if Kageyama would like his hair. Shouyou hoped he would. He felt a blush creep up his face, and he quickley locked his phone and put it on the nightstand, then buried his face in his pillow.

 

* * *

 

 

 

Well, his doctors were mad about his hair, but he refused to rat James out, so he said that he had brought the dye with him. Thompson said his parents weren’t going to be happy either, but Shouyou didn’t really care. He wouldn’t be seeing them until the next day anyways.

Currently, Shouyou was pissed (again). He glared at Anna, who was staring back at him with her hands on her hips. He literally had less than three days left in this heinous place, and they were still making him go to his therapy session with Gatley.

“There’s no reason for me to go to that appointment, I’m completely fine,” He argued.

Anna sighed, “Shouyou, this is the last one, why are you so worked up? He just wants to run through a few sets of exercises with you that you’ll need to keep up with when you return home.”

“Can’t you just get a copy of them on paper?” 

“Shouyou… This doesn’t need to be difficult. Why don’t you want to go?”

He turned to glare at the floor, his arms crossed over his chest. How the hell was he supposed to say he didn’t want to go because he was afraid Gatley would  _ rape _ him? If this was his last session, who knows what the hell that monster would do.

“Come on,” Anna said, then gestured to the orderly, who came to stand behind Shouyou. He put a hand on Shouyou’s shoulder, but he quickley shrugged it off and sighed in defeat, following Anna down the hallway. It was his last session, anyways.

His stomach twisted and he clenched his fists when Anna opened the door and ushered him inside. The door shut and he crossed his arms, looking off to the side so he wouldn’t have to watch Gatley walking past him and locking the door.

Gatley moved to stand behind him, sliding his hands up Shouyou’s bare arms and gripping his shoulders tightly, moving him towards the table rather than the couch. Shouyou tried to push back, but Gatley was stronger and pushed him into the table, his stomach painfully colliding with the edge. 

Shouyou spun around, gripping the edge behind him and trying to pull himself up and away from the knee that was suddenly forced between his legs. Gatley reached around his head and tugged on his hair, yanking his head back and exposing his neck. Shouyou squeezed his eyes shut as Gatley roughly kissed his jaw down to his collarbone.

“Why-” Shouyou grit his teeth as Gatley sucked hard on his collarbone. “Why d-do you do this?”

Gatley chuckled, rubbing his thigh into Shouyou’s groin, causing him to gasp, “You’re so delicious.”

Shouyou gagged and Gatley kissed him hard on the mouth, forcing his tongue in. He felt tears gather in the corners of his eyes, trying to lean away but trapped by the table. Gatley’s hand found Shouyou’s thigh and gripped it tight, lifting it to his waist and causing more friction against his crotch.

He groaned and Gatley smirked against his mouth. “You like it anyways, you whore. You’re so dirty.”

Shouyou felt shame settle into his stomach and he looked at the floor to the left, his face red. Gatley lifted Shouyou’s shirt, trailing his hands up Shouyou’s sides making his skin prickle. His thumbs ghosted over Shouyou’s nipples and the boy tensed, hunching his shoulders and quickly grabbing Gatley’s biceps to try and push his arms away.

“Don’t push me away,” said Gatley, pressing his knee up against Shouyou’s jeans again. “I can feel you getting hard.”

“I’m not-”

Gatley grabbed his throat, shutting him up and moved his other hand down to undo Shouyou’s jeans. Shouyou tried to jerk away when the man’s hand slipped into his boxers, gripping his length, then stroking it slowly. 

Shouyou cringed when he felt his dick respond, the heat coiling in his gut. His shirt was ripped over his head and dropped to the floor, Gatley’s mouth attacked his chest and his nails raked down Shouyou’s back. Gatley’s hand left his pants and he almost sighed in relief, but then he was yanked away from the table and his face shoved into the couch, his knees bent and ass in the air.

Gatley yanked Shouyou’s pants to his knees and reached behind him and between his legs to grab his dick. Shouyou moaned, grabbing at the cloth of the couch, trying to hide the sounds he was making in the cushion because  _ why was he reacting?  _

“Pl- hah - please. St - stop,” Shouyou begged. He tried to close his legs, but Gatley’s nails dug into his thigh, and he felt the man’s mouth on his back. It was so gross, he hated the feeling of skin sliding across his own and not being able to control his own body’s reactions.

Just as he felt himself get close to climaxing, Gatley’s hand pulled away and Shouyou sobbed into the cushion, a whine rising up in his throat. He tried to curl in on himself, but Gatley grabbed his wrist tightly and flipped him over, their mouths clashing again. Shouyou felt so exposed, his pants past his knees and his shirt across the room while Gatley was fully clothed.

Gatley’s mouth moved down to his neck and Shouyou moaned, reaching up to grab Gatley’s hair, trying to yank him away, but only got bit in response. Instead, Shouyou gripped the man’s hair, like he could yank it out if he tried. Gatley moved from his neck down his stomach and navel, eventually making his way to Shouyou’s dick.

Shouyou squeezed his eyes shut, throwing his head back and gasping through his tears.  _ It felt good, why did it feel so good? _ He hated himself so much for feeling like this, for responding to every touch, for moaning, for his hips thrusting up into Gatley’s mouth. He hated, hated, hated himself.

When he finally released, his body felt heavy and he barely registered Gatley’s crotch in front of him until his mouth was opened and Gatley forced himself into Shouyou. The tears returned and he could barely breathe, gagging around the length. Shouyou pushed at Gatley’s hips with his hands but the man kept thrusting into his mouth.   
Shouyou shouted when Gatley released into his mouth and he almost threw up on the floor, leaning over the side of the couch. He coughed a few times and stared at the floor, tears blurring his vision. He bit into the side of his cheek hard, then jumped back when Gatley threw his shirt at him. He tugged it over his head, feeling numb and struggled to pull up and button his jeans. When he finally did, he stood up to leave only to have Gatley put a hand on his chest and shove him back into a sitting position, leaning above him.

“P-please, don’t-”

Gatley shut him up by kissing him again and Shouyou wondered if the only kisses he’ll ever truly receive would feel as possessive and nasty as this one. Gatley’s fingers trailed down his cheek and Shouyou yanked his head away, the man chuckling.

“I’ll miss you, Shouyou…” He practically  _ purred _ .

Shouyou shrunk back away from the man, who eventually sighed and stood up, shoving some papers into his hands and gesturing toward the door. Shouyou stood up quickly, feeling dizzy, and ran towards the door, quickly unlocking it and pulling it open.

“I had a lot of fun with you.” Was the last thing Shouyou heard before he ran from the room and down the hall, frantically wiping away his tears.

He burst into his room and slammed the door behind him. He was supposed to be escorted back by someone, but he guessed it didn’t matter anymore anyways, since he’d been leaving in three days. He tossed the papers of exercises Gatley gave onto his bed and scrubbed at his face, wiping away the tears.

Shouyou stripped off his clothing and stepped into the bathroom, brushing his teeth until his gums bled. He took off his prosthetic and sat down in the shower, scrubbing his skin under the pelting hot water. His ribs were really hurting again, probably from the awkward position he had been in and he winced a few times when he got out of the shower and dried off. 

He put his leg back on and pulled on sweatpants. He wanted to go to bed but it was only a little while past lunch and he had to wait at least until 20:00 for it to be believable that he was tired. Before Shouyou pulled on his shirt he caught a glimpse of his torso in the mirror and felt tears prick at the back of his eyes. There was the ugly purplish scar from where they put the bar in his ribs, bite marks around his collarbones and hickies all over his abs. A hand-shaped bruise rested on his hip and when he twisted he could see the claw marks on his back.

“Disgusting,” He whispered to himself, then yanked his shirt over his head. 

Shouyou opened the cabinet behind the mirror and pulled out his pain killers, shaking two into his hand and then drinking straight from the faucet to swallow them. He put his hands on the edge of the sink counter and squinted at himself in the mirror. He looked like shit. The dark smudges under his eyes from nightmares constantly waking him up made his skin seem paler than it was from not being in the sun. He definitely was thinner, but that was probably because most of the time he felt too sick to eat and would throw out his food when no one was looking. His amber eyes and bright orange hair (now accented with black) were the only things left from the bright personality he once had. 

He shook his head, frowning at himself and then looked down at the painkiller bottle still in his left hand. He tilted it, listening to the rattle of pills falling against the plastic casing. The ghosting feeling of Gatley’s hands still roaming up his skin made him shudder, and without thinking he popped the cap off and shook out two more, downing them quickly. He stared himself in the eyes in the mirror for a few more seconds, then turned off the light and left the bathroom.

 

* * *

 

 

 

Today, Shouyou was finally leaving America.

His left leg bounced up and down and he kept tapping on the table in front of him with his fingers. His heart was beating fast and the nervous energy was making him sick. Only a little bit longer until his parents showed up, then they’d drive to the airport and he’d be on his way home! Home, home, home,  _ home _ .

James sat across from him and laughed, “Calm down, Shouyou.”

“I can’t!” He insisted, grinning and shifting restlessly in his chair. “I’m just so glad to be going home.”

James smiled, watching him fondly. “I’m really going to miss you.”

Shouyou smiled back. “We’ll Skype all the time. And since my phone will work again we can call and text.”

“Maybe someday I can come visit you too.” said James. Shouyou nodded eagerly.

“Shouyou, your parents are here!” Anna called from the lounge doorway. 

He jumped up. Finally! It was actually happening - he was leaving, he was going home! He looked over his shoulder at James, who was looking down at the table with his lips quirked downwards.

“Walk with me,” Shouyou said, reaching his hand out. James looked up and took it, standing up. The walked together through the halls, shoulders brushing. Shouyou would miss James a lot. He’d been the most amazing friend in the six months they’d known each other and Shouyou would never forget a single moment of it.

He said goodbye to a few of the other kids, and got hugged by one of the nurses. Sasha ruffled his hair and Anna actually cried while Thompson shook his hand and gave him a proud smile. When James and him stepped outside into the sunlight, he felt like he was going to be leaving a small part of himself behind, a piece of his soul forever engraved in the walls of the center, and another in James’ protective hands.

James turned to him and shrugged off his leather jacket, thrusting it into Shouyou’s arms, “Keep this and don’t forget about me.”

Shouyou smiled and pulled off his hoodie, handing it to James. They put on each others jackets and grinned until Shouyou surged forward, hugging James tightly. James hugged him back, his face in the crook of Shouyou’s neck.

“I will never forget you,” Shouyou said quietly. “ _ Ubuntu _ is Nguni for the belief that we are defined by our compassion towards other people.” He recited - something he learned from a book recently. “And I believe you are one of the most compassionate people I have ever met.”

James tightened his hold on Shouyou for a few seconds longer before they both pulled away, James’ hand still gripping Shouyou’s shoulder. His eyes were wet and Shouyou pretended not to notice. “We’ll both be okay. Promise?”

“Promise.”

Shouyou gave him one last smile and walked toward his parent’s car, climbing in the back with Natsu, who leaned over and hugged him. He pulled on his seatbelt as the car engine started up, then turned to look out the window. James grinned at him from the sidewalk with a smile bright as the sun and raised his prosthetic arm to wave. Shouyou waved back, matching the smile while the car pulled away. 

The car drove out of the parking lot and onto the road, James fading from sight along with the therapy center. Shouyou turned around in his seat, facing forward and facing his his way home, finally free.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm are starting a Haikyuu!! group chat on kik, because I'd really like to talk to/meet some of you! If you are interested in joining, kik me - my name is _silver_dragon00_
> 
> Only one more chapter!!  
> Thank you all so much for commenting, viewing, bookmarking, subscribing and giving me kudos!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I can't believe this is the end. This is the last chapter of So it Goes, as well as the last part of the series Hold On, Pain Ends. Thank you to everyone who has commented, bookmarked, subscribed, or given kudos to any of the stories in this series, and especially thank you to those of you who have been around since the very beginning! I can't even explain how grateful I am to every single one of you - reading your comments and seeing how you all react has been amazing, so thank you all so much! None of the fics in this series were beta read, so I apologize for every spelling/grammar mistake in all three fics. Lastly, I (obviously) do not own Haikyuu!!
> 
> As of right now, while I'm typing this, this story has:  
> 66 Pages  
> 35,000+ words  
> 20 Comments  
> 45 kudos  
> 516 hits
> 
> BUT the WHOLE series total (as of now) has:  
> 148 pages  
> 76,000+ words  
> 308 comments  
> 444 kudos  
> 5,151 hits
> 
> Holy shit guys, thank you all so much.
> 
> Thank you one last time guys!  
> A couple scenes toward the end of this chapter, you'll probably recognize from The Things I'll Do For You.  
> Well, here you go, last chapter out of 66 pages of sin.

As it turns out, going back home did not solve all of his problems like he had hoped. This became apparent on his literal first day back in Japan. They arrived at 1:30 in the morning on a Friday, and even though his internal clock said it was late afternoon, his mother told him to try and sleep. He figured it would be better to try and readjust sooner rather than later anyways. So, he went up to his room with his bags (which he promptly dropped on the floor) and took a deep breath, the familiar scent of home filling his senses.

He walked across the wooden floor, pulled his curtains apart and opened his window, letting the cool air and pale streetlight stream into his bedroom. His room was a little stuffy from the daytime heat and not having a window or door opened in almost seven months, but it still smelt like him, and everything was left exactly where he placed it. It looked like someone just up and left in the middle of their life, which is exactly what happened. 

Shouyou hadn’t been in his room since the morning before the accident. When he was hit by the car, he was immediately taken to the hospital and kept there until he transferred to America. He hadn’t even come home to pack his bags, his mother had done it for him. An odd sense of nostalgia filled him, looking at his messy bed from that one morning, dirty clothes on the floor, some homework he had “forgotten” on his desk. One of the mangas he had been reading was still open, his volleyball uniform hung up on the wall, untouched. His chest tighted as he reached out and rubbed the cloth between his fingers.

With the reminder of volleyball, he pulled his phone out and turned it on. It was immediately assaulted with  _ hundreds _ of texts messages that he had missed in the past seven months. A huge bulk of them were in the team group chat, but there were some separate ones from his other friends from middle school, relatives, his friends from other teams. He sat down on the edge of his bed, a bittersweet smile creeping across his face as he read through many of them. 

His heart clenched at the realization that  _ so many _ people cared about him and wanted to know if he was okay. The smile stayed on his face when he bit his lip and scrolled through the group chat, reading about random encounters and the silly arguments and stupid stuff that they talked about while he was gone. A tear leaked out of his eye and he quickley wiped it away with his thumb. He was so close to them now, and he missed them so,  _ so _ much.

Shouyou took a shuddering breath and silenced his phone, placing it face down on the nightstand. He changed into his favorite pair of pajamas, ones he hadn’t worn in so long and he regretted taking something so simple for granted. He took off his prosthetic, laying it on the ground, and then climbed into his bed. He felt every single muscle and bone relax completely for the first time in a very long time, sinking into the familiar feel and smell and comfort of his own bed. He pulled the blankets up under his chin and turned his face into the pillow.

And he cried.

He cried for every moment he missed out on, for every game he didn’t play, every practice he couldn’t go to, every outing he could have had. Shouyou felt like his team had adapted to him being gone, and maybe they wouldn’t need him anymore. Through every text he read, it hurt to realize that they were fine without him and,  _ of course they were, because why wouldn’t they be _ ? Shouyou felt selfish for thinking like that, but the only person he truly had in America was James and  _ oh _ how he wished he could have been with his team the whole time.

Once he finally fell asleep, just past 2:00 in the morning after crying himself dry, the nightmares began.

 

* * *

 

“Honey, wake up, you need to eat and take your meds.”

Shouyou groaned and rolled over, pulling his blanket over his head. He felt like he barely slept. He had thought being in his own bed finally would ward off the nightmares, but oh boy was he wrong. He keep waking up from a nightmare every hour and when he did sleep it was full of tossing and turning.

His mom pulled his blanket off his head, causing him to wince at the attack of sunlight from his window and curl in on himself. His mother sighed, “Shouyou, it’s almost noon, come downstairs and eat.”

“I’m not hungry,” Shouyou grumbled, tucking his face into his pillow and covering his ear with his arm. “Let me sleep longer.”

“We’re all jet lagged, but it will only get worse if you sleep all day.” She pulled on his shirt sleeve, turning him onto his back. He glared up at her. He was so tired he just wanted to sleep. His mom frowned. “Don’t give me that look.”

Shouyou groaned and rolled his eyes, then turned towards the wall.

“Damn it, Shouyou,  _ up _ !” She pulled at his arm again and he tensed up and jerked away from her. “Fine! Fine. I’m making lunch now and unless you want cold leftovers, be downstairs soon.”

He waited until she left his room, slamming the door behind her. Shouyou sighed and relaxed his muscles, glaring at the white wall in front of himself. His stomach groweled and he huffed, then rolled to the edge of his bed, hanging his leg of the side. His crutch was leaning against the wall near his nightstand and he stretched to grab it, then stood up. Shouyou felt grimy and the urge to take a shower won over his growling stomach. He found one of his favorite tee shirts and a pair of shorts then took them into the bathroom. His mom had already put the plastic chair in the bathroom, so he moved it into the shower and turned on the water. After stripping out of his clothes he saw his pain killers on the sink. He knew he didn’t need them right now, but he took two anyways.

After scrubbing off in the shower and putting on his prosthetic, he walked downstairs and found his family in the living room eating together. His mom sat on the couch with Natsu next to her, and their dad on the floor, his back against the cushion. Shouyou figured that had probably been something they did a lot while in America. He felt a little detached from his family, since he all hadn’t been in the same house with them for a long time. It seemed like the developed a system without him in it. The thought made his insides twist, and he suddenly felt hollow.

Feeling like he was intruding on his own family, he walked into the kitchen and scrunched his nose, looking at the donburi his mom had cooked. The heavy-looking food made his stomach turn so he rummaged through the cabinets, looking for something else to eat. Since they had just come home there wasn’t much, (he was surprised his mom found ingredients for donburi at all) but he found a box of granola bars and took two, then walked out the front door without anyone taking notice. 

The summer heat was nice on his skin, it was the first time he could  _ really  _ enjoy it, so he sat on the sidewalk, leaning against the cement wall that served as a fence around his house. He bit into his granola bar, looking up and down the street. A few cars passed by and a couple younger kids were playing up the street with a dog. He finished off his food and crammed the wrappers in his pocket, leaning his head back and breathing in the fresh air. His lips twitched into a smile; he had never realized that home had a different scent.

“Hey Hinata.”

Shouyou blinked his eyes open and looked up. Two boys that lived a few houses away from him were standing with their hands in their pockets, looking down at him. He had never really spoken to them before, but they were probably a year or two above him and he knew they were jerks. They had picked on Natsu and a few other younger kids on this street before.

“Um. Hi?” Shouyou raised an eyebrow, squinting up at them.

The taller one - Kazuki, Shouyou remembers his name, rolled his shoulders. “Where’ve you been? Your house has been empty for months.”

“Yeah we thought you moved.” The other one - Jirou - said.

Not liking being below them and having to look up, Shouyou stood but stumbled a bit with his prosthetic. The two guys snickered and he glared at them. “No, I was in America.”

“Why?” Jirou sniffed.

“For my leg.”

Kazuki smirked. “So are you going to go back to school? Or are they gonna take pity on you for being a cripple?”

“I’m not a cripple.”

“Okay, then where’s your leg?” 

Shouyou shrugged, playing it casual. “I dunno, where do they put human body parts after they amputate them with a saw?”

They both frowned, but Kazuki looked pissed. “Are you making fun of me?”

Shouyou could not believe this, were they really so ignorant? “Look, can you just leave me alone? You came up to me and picked a fight -”

“We didn’t pick a fight, you’re the one bein’ rude,” said Jirou.

Shouyou stared at him, not even able to comprehend his stupidity. “So… I’m going to go back inside now…” He turned to walk back onto his property, but was grabbed by the back of the shirt and yanked.

“Hey we’re not done talkin’ to you.” One of them said, slamming Shouyou into the cement wall. “Wow, you’re a damn lightweight, how do you fight off the older kids at your school?”

“I don’t need to.” Shouyou grit his teeth, trying to pry Kazuki’s fist off the front of his shirt. “Nobody picks fights with me like you assholes, because kids at my school are actually mature.”

“Or you’re too much of a pussy to fight them off on your own,” Kazuki laughed, like some fucking maniac or something. “I bet you hide behind a teacher or something - you’re shrimpy enough.”

Shouyou didn’t speak, he just kept glaring.

Then Jirou spoke up, “Oh, I bet that guy that used to come over here all the time has to protect him. He looks scary.”

Kazuki smirked at Shouyou. “Does that kid save your scrawny ass from the big bad third years? Your fucking boyfriend or something, is that was he is? You look like fag.”

Shouyou felt white hot anger burning in the pit of his stomach and he dug his nails into Kazuki’s arm that was still pinning him to the wall. “I fight my own battles.”

“Well, you’re going to need to when you go back, because I’m sure you’ll get pushed around now that you’re missing a leg,” Kazuki said and Jirou snickered behind him. “That’s so fucking weird, how do you  _ do _ anything? I’d kill myself if I were you.”

“Fuck off.” Shouyou spat right in his face.

“Ugh!” Kazuki dropped him, wiping the spit off with his hand. 

Before Shouyou could get away, Jirou grabbed his arm and swung a fist, which Shouyou took right to the side of his head. He stumbled, his vision darkening for a second, before he righted himself and swung back, catching Jirou in the jugular. Jirou fell onto his ass, coughing and holding his neck while Kazuki turned on Shouyou.

A blow caught him in the gut, knocking the wind out of him, then Kazuki was grabbing the front of his shirt and slamming him into the wall again.

Shouyou sneered at him. “My parents are inside. If I scream, they’ll come running and probably call the cops on you.”

Kazuki hesitated and Shouyou kicked him in the shin. 

“I’m gonna call the cops right now actually. I can claim trespassing and physical harassment to a minor.”

“Fuck you.” Kazuki sent him a dirty look and grabbed Jirou by the arm, lifting him off the pavement. “Come on.”

Shouyou waited until they turned the corner to let out a deep sigh, putting a hand to where Kazuki had gotten his ribs. Holy shit that had hurt. His hands were shaking and his breathing felt uneven. He walked up the path to his house and then went inside, slamming the door behind himself.

His father appeared in the kitchen doorway, looking surprised. “Shouyou! I thought you were still in your room, I didn’t hear you leave.”

“I was just out on the sidewalk.”

“You need to tell us before you leave the house,” His father frowned.

Shouyou walked past him toward the stairs. “Why? You never needed me to before.”

“Things are different now.”

Shouyou whipped his head around to glare at his father. “Why, because I’m fucking cripple now?”

“Shouyou!” His mother shouted from the living room, then appeared in the doorway. Great, he was surrounded now by overly concerned parents. “Watch your language.”

“It’s  _ my _ leg!” Shouyou huffed, stepping backwards onto the stairs. “I’ll talk about it how I want.”

His father stepped closer. “You seem to forget that we’re the ones who paid for it.”

“Great!” Shouyou said with fake enthusiasm. “Then take it back! See if I care!” He spun around before either of them could respond and rushed up to his room, closing and locking the door behind himself. 

Shouyou fell face first onto his bed and screamed into his pillow before rolling onto his back and sighing. His ribs were sore again - hurray - and he sat up and lifted his shirt to inspect a developing bruise from where Jirou had punched him. He huffed and raised a hand to run through his hair harshly, looking up at the ceiling like there was some higher deity that could hear him.

“Why won’t you let me catch a break!” He shouted, falling backwards onto the mattress again. He reached over and grabbed his phone off the nightstand, holding it in his outstretched arms above his head.

There were a few new messages in the group chat, and he opened it up to read through them. It was mainly a couple team members asking Kageyama, the last person his mom mailed, if he knew when Shouyou would be back. Shouyou’s thumb hovered over the reply box, but eventually he turned off his phone and dropped it on the bed next to himself. He wasn’t sure why he did want to see his team yet, but the thought of it made him really nervous.

All of them had spent six more month together and now he felt like an outsider. It would be awkward, he wouldn’t know what to say or how they would act around him. He supposed he was also sort of afraid that they would pity him, or treat him delicately now that he had prosthetic. He rolled over to curl up but yelped when his ribs twinged painfully.

Groaning, he got up and practically stomped out of his room and into the bathroom. Shouyou picked up his pain medication and dumped a bunch into his hand. He wasn’t really supposed to take more than two in the span of four hours and he had already taken extra, but he wanted to stop  _ feeling _ aches and groping hands and  _ everything _ . He picked four off the pile in his hand and dumped the rest back in the bottle, then leaned under the faucet for water and swallowed them easily.

When he brought his head back up from the faucet, he looked himself in the mirror and wiped his mouth. His eyes still looked dull and his face was thin, probably from skipping so many meals and dark smudges under his eyes were reminders of fitful sleeping. He brushed his hair away from his face and frowned - he hated that this was what he had become.

He shooked his head and whispered, “What the fuck am I doing?”

Shouyou left the bathroom in a rush and grabbed his phone off the bed. He checked the time zone difference for Japan and America, then decided that James would have to deal with him calling at four in the morning. He hit James’ contact number and put the phone up to his ear while it rang.

James picked up on the third ring, sounding tired but frantic, “Shou? What’s up, are you okay?”

“Um, yeah. I just -” He sighed and ran a hand through his hair again. “I’m so messed up.”

James chuckled and yawned. “Me too.”

“I don’t understand why, but I just… feel  _ wrong _ . In my head? I thought coming home would fix everything, but everything it still fucked up and I hate myself and don’t know why.”

There was a rustling noise on the other line, probably James moving around in his bed before he responded. “You don’t need to hate yourself, Shou. You’re awesome.”

“I don’t feel awesome,” said Shouyou, turning to sit on his bed. “I feel like shit. I’ve taken six pills in the past hour and that was probably a really bad idea, but I’m sick of being in pain all the time, and I just got in a fight with a couple of kids up the street, and -”

“Whoa, whoa, slow down.” James stopped him. “You took six  _ what _ ?”

“Painkillers.”

“The fuck? What MG are you taking?”

Shouyou tugged at the piercing on his lower lip. “I don’t know…”

James sighed. “Do you feel nauseous or dizzy?”

“No… look I wasn’t doing it to hurt myself or anything I just… I don’t know. I’m tired of  _ feeling _ everything,” Shouyou explained, laying back on his bed and curling up on his side.

“Well… Have you seen any of your friends yet? You can talk to them. I’m sure it’d be better than talking over the phone to someone,” James suggested.

“I haven’t even officially told them I’m back yet.”

“Why not?”

Shouyou scrunched up his nose. “I don’t know. That’s the thing! I’m not myself and I know it, and it sucks! I don’t know how to fix it either!”

“I really think talking to your friends will help, Shou. After everything you’ve told me about them, they are definitely good people,” said James.

Shouyou bit his lip, thinking about all the messages asking where he was. “Maybe I’ll talk to them tomorrow or something.”

“All right, good,” James said through a yawn. “I’m really tired, I’m going back to sleep okay?”

“Yeah. Sorry I woke you.”

“It’s no problem. Call me again if you need me. Bye Shou.”

“Bye James.” Shouyou ended the call and dropped his phone on his nightstand. It was only a little past 14:00, but he was tired from barely sleeping the night before and the jet lag. He ended up falling asleep in his curled up position on the bed.

 

* * *

 

Shouyou woke up in a cold sweat, shooting into a sitting position and grasping at his chest frantically. He was breathing heavy, his shirt clinging to him like tar from the sweat, making him feel constricted and claustrophobic. He ripped his shirt off his head and dropped it to the floor. 

As he got his breathing under control, he realized it was no longer daytime. His window was open and the soft orange light of a sunrise broke through his fluttering drapes, a cool breeze blowing into his room. Looking down, he saw he was under his blankets and his prosthetic had been taken off, meaning one of his parents came in and took it off after he fell asleep. The thought angered him - fact that even after being so ungrateful and yelling at them, they still came in and put him to bed.

With a sigh, leaned grabbed his phone off his nightstand to check the time - almost five in the morning. Did he really sleep for that long? Holy shit. At least he wasn’t tired anymore. He pulled his blankets off and set his foot down on the floor, reaching to grab his crutch. Once he was up he walked over to stand in front of the window, relishing in the cool air blowing across his abdomen. Shouyou brushed his hands through his hair, feeling where the tips were stuck to his forehead and back of his neck with sweat. His stomach growled and he put his hand on it, frowning.

Figuring if he was quiet enough he could make it downstairs; he left his bedroom, leaning heavily on the crutch. He found fruit in the fridge, so his parents had probably went out to buy it yesterday, and retreated back to his room without waking anyone up. 

He put his shirt back on and sat on his bed, leaning against the wall and pulling his laptop onto his thighs. He bit into his apple while reading through his emails then fucked around on a gaming website until he heard the rest of his family start to wake up. Natsu came into his room before anyone else, yawning and rubbing her eyes.

“You’re awake?” She asked, climbing up onto his bed and leaning her head on his shoulder.

“Yeah. I had a bad dream.”

“Oh…” She frowned. “What was it about?”

“Um,” Shouyou wet his lips and said, “It was about a bully.”

Natsu turned her head to look up at him. “Did you beat the bully up?”

The corner of Shouyou’s lips twitched into a smile. “Of course.”

Natsu grinned at him, just as their mother walked into his room. She looked tired, but was already dressed and and holding a coffee. “Shouyou can you watch Natsu? Your father and I have a lot we need to get done today, we probably won’t be home until dinner.”

“Uh - yeah I guess,” He shrugged, typing on his computer. Honestly he was trying to figure out how to re-subscribe to a volleyball magazine, while avoiding looking at her too.

“Thanks, honey. There should be enough food for lunch and dinner, so don’t just eat junk all day,” She said. “Natsu needs to take a bath, too so don’t stay on your computer, it’s really nice out.”

“Okay mom, I got it,” He said, not looking up from the computer screen.

His mom sighed, then left the room. Neither Shouyou nor Natsu spoke until they heard both of their parents leave the house, the car back out of the driveway and the sound of the engine disappear down the road.

Natsu poked his cheek and he shut his laptop, sliding it to the side. He leaned over the side of his bed and picked up his prosthetic, quickly attaching it and then standing up. “Okay, Natsu, bathtime.”

“I don’t want to! I want cereal!” She shouted, jumping up and down on his bed.

Shouyou reached out to picked her up easily, and brought her to the bathroom while she squirmed. Within the next half hour, he successfully cleaned Natsu but also got himself soaked head to toe, to while he gave up trying to dress the girl, she ran around in a towel and he changed into dry clothing. Before he left his room to find Natsu, his phone chimed and he checked it out of curiosity, expecting it to be the group chat again. It wasn’t.

Kageyama had private messaged him, the first time in a long time Shouyou had received direct contact from only Kageyama to only himself. He didn’t open the message, because he knew Kageyama would see that he had read it, and he didn’t know if he was ready to see him yet. He stared at the message preview though, it was only three words.

_ Are you here? _

“I am,” Shouyou whispered, not to anybody but himself. A nervous flutter grew in his stomach and not knowing how to deal with it, he tossed his phone onto his bed and left the room.

 

* * *

 

Sunday morning had Shouyou waking up at a decent time without a nightmare, which he was pretty happy about, but he had a nasty feeling all over his skin that had him rushing to the shower before anyone else. He scrubbed his skin down, making it the clean pink that he liked until his skin felt numb and raw.

Once he was done and dressed he stayed in his room, even though he knew the rest of his family was downstairs eating breakfast together. It was kind of shitty that he didn’t feel welcome in his own house, and he didn’t know what to do about it. So he sat in his room read for a few hours before switching to watching volleyball videos on his computer.

Eventually, probably a few hours after lunch, his dad came in his room.

“Do you plan on staying in here all day?” Was the first thing the man said.

“Hi to you too, dad.” Shouyou responded, keeping his eyes on his computer and slouching down further in his desk chair.

“Shouyou, you can’t stay in here until school starts. You should come down stairs with us or go outside or something,” His dad said.

“Last time I went outside you yelled at me.”

A sigh, then, “Because you didn’t tell me where you were going. You didn’t even have your phone on you.”

Shouyou looked up at him, eyebrows drawn together. “How do you know that? You said you thought I was in my room.”

“I tried calling you.”

“Wait, you tried calling me and then when I didn’t answer you didn’t think to try and find me?” Shouyou asked incredulously. “You assumed I was in my room sleeping or something?

“No, son-”

“That’s so shitty,” He breathed, turning back to his computer with big eyes. “Whatever. As long as my leg isn’t damaged, right?”

“Shouyou!” His father shouted.

He stood up from his desk, the chair scraping against the floor. “What? What are you scolding me for now? Swearing, or not having my phone, or not being social enough for you? What do you want from me!”

“I don’t understand why you’re being like this, you never acted out like this before.”

“Before what! The car accident? Yeah, I guess being hit by a fucking car and losing one of my most valued body parts is bound to change something, right?” Shouyou was shouting now, he didn’t even know why he was so upset. “It didn’t help that you all but abandoned me at that the fucking therapy center while you, mom and Natsu got to spend time together and I was just…” He sighed, the tension leaving his body. “Nevermind.”

“Shouyou, we didn’t abandon you there,” His dad was saying. “We thought you liked it there.”

“Seriously? For months I told you guys how much I hated that place,” Shouyou argued. “Shows how much you listen.” He slammed his laptop shut and shoved his phone in his pocket, grabbing the jacket James gave him and left the room.

“Where do you think you’re going?” His father called after him, then followed him down the stairs.

“Out! That’s what you wanted, right?” Shouyou shouted back, opening the front door and glaring at his father over his shoulder. His father glared right back. Shouyou scoffed and rushed out of the house, slamming the door behind him. 

He tugged the jacket on and jammed his hands into his jeans pockets, glad he decided on those instead of shorts. The less attention he attracted, the happier he’d be. He wasn’t even sure where he was going, but he ended up putting earbuds in a walking until he found himself in the city, walking up the side walk past shops and restaurants. The passing cars didn’t bother him as much as he thought they would, but he did stay away from the edge of the sidewalk and closer to the buildings. What did bother him was whenever a grown man brushed up against him he got a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach.

The sun was already drifting toward the horizon line, casting orange and red over the city buildings and making tall shadows creep across the street. Shouyou could feel the skin of his thigh pinching a bit where it rested in the prosthetic socket, and it was getting hard to focus on so much at once that he took out his earbuds and put them in his pocket while rubbing at his thigh. He should have expected it, but his leg cramped up and his real knee buckled a bit, so he moved to the side and got down on one knee, yanking up his pant leg to make sure nothing was wrong with his mechanical leg.

Shouyou adjusted the suspension, making sure it was secure, then ran his thumb along the edge of the socket to try and ease the tension on his skin. There was a bit of redness and he didn’t know why. Had he put it on wrong the morning?

“Move it kid, you’re blocking the entrance.”

Shouyou looked up quickly, seeing a young store clerk standing over him. He realized he was in the doorway and quickly stood up, taking a few steps away. “Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention -”

“Yeah whatever,” The guy said with a sneer. “Cripples think they get a free ride wherever.”

Shouyou blinked. “What?”

The clerk stepped closer, his nose crinkled. “You’ve only got one leg.”

“I have two legs.”

“Only one is real,” The clerk snorted. “You think you’re special or some shit?”

Was this guy even real? Shouyou stepped towards him, in the doorway again, his hands curling into fists. “Take it back. I’m not a cripple.” He was so sick of everyone saying that! What gave them the right?

“You sure look like one.”

“You fucking-” he hadn’t even realized he was swinging his fist until another clerk got in the way, grabbing his arm.

“What do you think you’re doing!” The man shouted.

Shouyou gestured wildly at the younger one, who spoke before he did, “This cripple came out of nowhere, demanding a discount and tried to punch me when I said no!”

“What!” Shouyou shouted. “I did not!”

“Listen kid,” the older clerk said. “I’m gonna call the cops since you threatened my nephew, and -”

Shouyou yanked his arm away and pushed past the younger guy, accidently knocking over a magazine stand and crashing into a few people, causing a commotion of yelling as the clerks tried to grab him again, calling him a delinquent. A few hands tried to pull at him and he bolted to the left, stumbling in front of a car that screeched onto its brakes.

“Fuck,” he mumbled, his heart pounding. He ran again and jumped to slide across the hood of the next car, tripped on the curb of the sidewalk and ran past a strip of chain restaurant windows. He kept running, aware of the younger clerk chasing after him. Shouyou had almost forgotten the pain in his leg until it almost buckled beneath him again and he had to jump over a fence into someone’s back yard to catch his breath.

Luckily, no one was at the house, so once he was sure the clerk wouldn’t be chasing him anymore, he climbed back over the fence and started to make his way home, his heart still hammering. He couldn’t believe he ran out in traffic like that and almost got his by a car  _ again _ . He laughed under his breath at the irony of it all. Maybe he would have been better of being hit again. He quickly made his way back home, taking as many shortcuts as he could, and once he got to his house he took a few minutes outside to calm his thumping heart.

Upon opening his front door, his mom was there immediately, asking where he went and why he left and a bunch of stuff Shouyou didn’t care to answer. He shrugged her off and walked towards the stairs but his dad blocked him and crossed his arms.

“Dad please, I’m tired-”

“What did I say about telling us where you’re going? What if something happened to you?” His dad cut him off.

Shouyou sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Dad…”

“You need to be more careful, Shouyou, you can’t just run off like that!” He dad raised his voice. “You know how worried your mother was!”

Shouyou glanced at his mom who was looking away, then sent a glare to his father. He stepped around the man, to walk toward the back door without answering. He didn’t want to argue anymore, he was so sick of it.

“Are you even listening to me?” His father shouted. “You know how expensive that damn leg was? You know how much it would cost to get it replaced?”

“Because that’s all you care about, right? Not that I almost got hit by a car again!” Shouyou swung around and shouted. He hadn’t actually meant to say that, it just came out with his frustration. He turned around again and took another step towards the back door.

“Shouyou!” His father sounded pissed. “Don’t walk away while I’m talking with you!”

Shouyou continued walking towards the back door anyways. “You’re not talking  _ with _ me, you’re yelling  _ at _ me, and I don’t want to hear it anymore!” 

“If you walk out that door I’m going to lock you out!”

“Do it! See if I care!” He yelled, then tugged the door open, stepped outside and slamming it shut behind him. He tugged at his hair and made a loud frustrated noise in the back of his throat then kicked a branch into the grass. Shouyou yanked his phone out of his pocket, scrolled through the contacts, then hit James’ number.

It rang once before he answered, “What’s up? You okay?”

“Fine! I’m just…. ugh. Sorry. I didn’t mean to snap,” Shouyou tugged his hand through his hair and walked onto the grass, digging his shoe in and pulling out blades of green. “My dad keeps picking fights.”

“Why?”   
“I don’t know… I left the house without saying where I was going and now he’s pissed.”

James sighed. “Shou, he’s probably worried for you. It was probably rough after your accident. He doesn’t want it to happen again.”

“No, I know that,” Shouyou said. “He doesn’t realize it’s hard for me too. Re-adjusting is weird, you know?”

“Yeah, I get it,” James said. “It weird over here too. Everyone is piting me and treating me like a child. Hey, do you want me to help you talk to your parents about it or something?”

“No, you don’t need to do that. It’s just going to take a while. We’re fighting a lot but I think -  _ hope _ \- my mom is realizing that stress it puts on the household,” Shouyou explained.

James hummed in agreement before something seemed to occur to him. “Your dad wouldn’t like… hit you or anything, right?”

“No! No, he would never do that.”

“You’re sure?”

“James, it’s fine, I promise.”

“If you say so…” James said, the other line cracking a bit. “I’ve gotten back in touch with a few of my friends over here, and it’s helping a bit. What about you?”

A leaf crunched somewhere behind Shouyou and he turned to look while answering, “I haven’t seen any of my friends yet.” He turned back around, having not seen anything. “I guess I’m worried they’ll look at me differently.”

“You know…” James said, quieter. “You can talk to them about Gatley if you need to.”

“No! I can’t tell them any of that. Ever.” Shouyou asserted, his voice firm. There was no way that would happen. He already had issues dealing with it on his own, he didn’t want to burden anyone else with his problems.

“Okay, hear me out though,” James said. “That boy you like, the grumpy one.”

“His name is Kageyama.”

“Yeah, him. Try talking to him,” James suggested.

Shouyou shook his head even though James couldn’t see him. “No, I can’t. It’s not happening.”

James sighed again. “Okay… Anyways, I have to go, sorry.”

“All right, that’s fine. Thanks for listening.”

“Anytime.” James said, and Shouyou could picture a smile on his face. “Call me after you see your friends and tell me how it goes!”

“I will,” Shouyou promised, feeling a small smile tug at the corners of his mouth. “Bye James.”

“Bye!”

Shouyou ended the call and tucked his phone back in his pocket with a sigh. His leg was throbbing and he knew he needed to take off his prosthetic, which meant going inside and seeing his parents. He tilted his head back, up towards the sky and closed his eyes for a second, breathing in the cool air.

With his hands in his pockets, he turned and walked back into the house.

It wasn’t until hours later, lying in bed and reading on his phone that a message to the group chat came through. It was from Kageyama to everyone and out of curiosity, he opened it up to read it. Kageyama said he was going to be in the shopping district tomorrow if anyone wanted to hang out with him. Shouyou watched as a couple people responded immediately, apologizing and saying they would be busy tomorrow.

Shouyou turned off his phone before it was flooded by chat messages and flipped over in his bed. Maybe tomorrow he would finally face his fear of everyone no longer needing him, and go to the shopping district. It would be the first time he sees or speaks directly to Kageyama in months, and the thought made his stomach twist in anticipation. Before he fell asleep, he convinced himself to go tomorrow and meet with whoever showed up.

 

* * *

 

Shouyou was so nervous the next morning he didn’t actually get out of bed until about 11:00, and felt shaky and surreal while taking a shower and putting on his prosthetic. There was a red mark around his thigh from the day before - turns out he put it on too tight without meaning to and the running had agitated it. His mom scolded him when he showed her and gave him pain medication even though he didn’t really want it.

Eventually, he left the house and walked toward the city where the shopping district was. He had to dodge those two assholes that picked a fight with him because they were out on the street too. Shouyou figured at some point he would have to face off with them again, but he was able to narrowly avoid it that day by ducking under some hedges and sneaking through the neighbor’s yard.

The fluttering in his stomach wouldn’t go down so he put in his earbuds to try and distract himself and started texting James, who was awake catching up on school work at one am in America. 

Once he got to the district he aimlessly walked around before settling for leaning against a building wall to have a view of the common junction of all the shop streets. His heart was pounding, because he  _ knew _ some of his teammates were there  _ somewhere _ . From what he could make out in the group chat, it was just Nishinoya and Tanaka with Kageyama. The less people at first, the better. Regardless, he still felt like he was going to have an anxiety attack and James was trying to talk him out of it.

**James:** ur gonna b fine, they r ur friends, nothings changed

 

**Shouyou:** what if theyre all different

**Shouyou:** or act weird around me

 

**James:** they wont and if they do just leave and call me

 

**Shouyou:** im so nervous

 

**James:** what abt kageyama? I doubt he’ll treat u different

 

**Shouyou:** idk… he’s a dick sometimes

 

**James:** XD six months can change a person

**James:** you’ll never know what kinds of things he’ll do for you

 

**Shouyou:** i guess…

 

Shouyou looked up and scanned around the area again, searching for anyone he might recognize. In all reality, James was right. Kageyama made him feel invincible before, and Shouyou had no doubt that he could do it again. He tugged on his lip piercing and looked back down at his phone, waiting for a response.

“Shouyou!”

His stomach jumped and his head whipped up, looking for the source of the familiar voice. His heart was pounding in his chest and his throat suddenly felt dry as his eyes wandered around the crowd, before he  _ finally _ saw them sitting at a table together.

Nishinoya was standing up waving at him, next to Tanaka who was sitting at the picnic table with a grin, waving with both arms. Across from them, Kageyama sat, twisted around, his eyes wide. Shouyou felt the corner of his mouth twitch. They hadn’t changed a bit, the same wild smile on Noya, Tanaka’s hair shaved short, Kageyama - oh  _ wow _ .

Everything him and James talked about regarding Kageyama came flooding back and he felt himself blush. For a moment he looked away, he still had the chance to bail if he wanted to, but… he look back at them. They were till smiling, and even Kageyama’s face had settled into something close to relief or fondness. He took a deep breath and pulled out his earbuds and stuck them in his pocket with his phone.

Shouyou took the first steps towards them, feeling like he was taking the first step towards moving on from the past six months. He still had issues he needed to work out - and he knew it would take time. Although he wouldn’t have to face those problems alone, because he had people who loved him and he loved them too. He would heal, and maybe it would take a while, but that’s life - and so it goes.

 

 


End file.
